One Last Confession
by RiskingOurHearts
Summary: Kate has one last confession that castle doesn't know about - nobody knows! she wants to tell him and she will when she's ready, but castle knows something is wrong and is desperately trying to chip away at that last bit of wall she has around her heart. it's definately easier said than done! Alexis/Martha/Lanie may appear in future chapters :
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - This is my first story for this fan base, i'm not a huge writer but every now and again these little ideas pop up in my head and won't leave me alone! It's post 'Always' but this story line has never been mentioned in the show. it probably never happened, but hey! thtat's fanfic. we can let our imaginations run wild :) The first few chapters will be full of drama and angst but after that it should get lighter and fluffier with a little bit of smut on the side! Hence the rating.**

**Disclaimer - I own nothing... unfortunately! **

They had been together almost three weeks. Kate was living between Castle's apartment and her own, though granted; she saw Castle's apartment a lot more than she saw her own, going back to her place just to collect some belongings, or when she just needed her own space for a night.

She wasn't ready to take that leap just yet, even though she felt like they had been in a relationship for nearly four years.

It was early June and the weather was beautiful, the sun shone in the bright blue sky without a cloud in sight, the evenings were clammy and there was no let-up of the heat.

They'd had an extremely difficult case on for the last few days, which meant they had spent every waking minute at the precinct. It had paid off though, as it usually did; because they caught the man who had raped and murdered an innocent young woman on her way home from work. They got lucky early that day; as someone had recognised the sketch of the suspect which a witness was able to describe to the sketch artist. After hours of piecing together vital information and evidence, they found him at a bar, as drunk as a skunk.

The bar tender was able to confirm the time he left when the crime was committed a few days previously, and the camera near his apartment building had clearly shown him arriving twenty minutes after, and for the time in-between he had no alibi and no witnesses who could place his whereabouts. They managed to get a confession after he had sobered up; only because of Kate and her fierce cross examination skills that saw him tripping up in his own lies.

Kate and Castle arrived home a little after 8PM, Castle poured them a glass of red wine to relax with and ordered pizza while Kate ran a bath and soaked in the hot water and bubbles for nearly an hour, trying to rinse off the case that had consumed her.

She just couldn't shift the thought of the young girl lying there in the alleyway, having been violated, losing all her dignity before she was strangled to death.

There was a slight tap at the ensuite bathroom door which shifted Kate from her thoughts.

"Pizzas here" Castle said, as he knew she should eat something and didn't want it getting cold.

"I'll be right out" Kate replied as she stepped out of the bath, grabbing a towel to pat herself dry before slipping on her black silk robe.

Dinner was pleasant as they sat on the sofa with the T.V on; mainly for background noise. They ate the pizza and drank another glass of wine in between conversation. They hadn't spoken about anything in particular; just idle chit chat which was comfortable and light. Mainly Castle and his bucket load of wit and charm which made Kate giggle and roll her eyes at the same time.

Kate stood up to clear away the wine glasses and empty pizza box, as she did; castle got to his feet and kissed her forehead "see you in a minute" he said as he turned towards the bedroom.

Kate leant in to his kiss and a small smile creeped up on her face "Yea" she said quietly.

Castle had noticed the difference in Kate during the last case, but he didn't say anything. He just thought it was how she was putting 100% into everything she ever did. He couldn't help but think something was wrong though, at work she was withdrawn and distant, snappy even, when the lead they chased up was a dead end. As much as she tried to hide it, he saw the anger in her eyes and he was certain the others could to.

He let it go though as he lay in bed thinking it was just a difficult case, and that she would be back to her normal self now that it was over. That's why he loved her; she wasn't scared about putting all of her emotions into a single case, giving it 100% commitment. Even if she did turn into dragon lady at work, it's what got the job done and got a confession; he saw the drive and passion for the job ooze out of her, more so than ever today as she pieced together the evidence and information. She was amazing.

His thoughts were interrupted as Kate made her way through the door, smiling at him as she did; stepping round to her side of the bed, undoing her robe, letting it slide off her back to the floor before slipping in under the single white sheet.

Castle saw the definition of her back, her shoulder blades and her hips which aroused him slightly. She had no idea what she was doing to him; she was in a world of her own. She had no idea the way she took off her robe would cause castle's stomach to twitch, she didn't undress provocatively; quite the opposite actually. It was just Castle's imagination running wild as usual.

Kate turned on her side so she had her back facing Castle.

He thought this was odd as Kate was usually the first one to start the action, especially after a few days of _nothing,_ he thought she'd be more than ready for a bit of Castle loving.

He turned to face Kate's back and snaked an arm around her waist, brushing his fingers up and down her stomach; getting extremely close to her left breast. He kissed the back of her hair and the scent of cherries consumed his nose. She didn't respond though, she just lay still, too still for Castle's liking.

"Kate" Castle whispered in her ear.

"mmm" was Kate's reply, if he could see her face he would be able to read the blank expression on it telling him that something was wrong and she felt uncomfortable.

She took hold of his hand around her stomach and stroked it with her thumb.

He carried on in a whisper "I want to make love to you Kate, I want to taste you, touch you; feel every part of you" as he finished he started kissing her neck. Kate let go of his hand and he saw this as an opening to carry on, what he didn't realise was that Kate had froze.

He kissed from her neck down to her shoulder as his hand made its way up to her left breast and he started stroking gently with his thumb, before massaging her nipple.

Kate loved him, of course she did. She had loved him for 3 years, she trusted him, and hell she trusted him with her life. But the case they had just closed was at the forefront of her mind.

As Kate was stuck in her own mind, before she even knew what was happening his hand was between her legs, stroking her gently, she relaxed a little as she let him feel her and arouse her. She let out a soft moan at his actions, so soft it was only just audible.

He didn't miss it though, he turned her on her back and straddled her legs; his hand still between her legs.

Kate hated not having any control; she hated it more than anything in the world.

He leant down over her, his body spread across hers as he placed a loving kiss at her mouth; she accepted it half-heartedly as she felt the weight of him on her. He removed his hand from between her legs and tugged at her wrists which were lay at her side, he lifted them above her head and held them there as his mouth made its way down to her nipples, right one first then the left; toying with them between his teeth.

Kate didn't feel the pleasure of his touch anymore, she felt panicked as he pinned her down, holding her wrists above her head, and she felt like she couldn't breathe; like she was trapped.

"Castle" Kate whispered. But he was too busy taking in her beautiful body he didn't hear her, or he did hear her and took it as a moan of pleasure.

"Castle" Kate said a little louder with an edge of fear in her voice. "Please, stop"

As soon as he heard the words please and stop, he didn't hesitate a single second to unpin her wrists from his hands and carefully remove himself from above her. He saw the look in her eyes, the look of hurt and fear, maybe even a little bit of anger. He would never want to hurt her; he never would intentionally.

"Kate, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" he questioned as Kate lay still on her back.

Kate shook her head to his question and this confused Castle, he knew now that something was definitely going on, something he couldn't get an answer to by looking in her eyes.

"What is it Kate?" he questioned as he sat up in bed, "you can tell me anything you know"

He looked down at Kate as her left hand shielded her face from his view. A minute had passed and she hadn't answered him. So he bravely asked again. "Kate?" he said. This time his voice full of worry and concern.

She still didn't answer him, she sat up in bed and picked her robe from the floor, she got up and wrapped it around her as she headed towards the bedroom door.

"Kate. What is it?" he asked her again, frustration clear in his voice.

"Drop it Castle." Kate said with a stern and confident voice as she left the room. She was surprised where it came from, she was grateful for it, for not sounding like a teary child which would have Castle asking question after question, not stopping until he had the full story.

She couldn't look at him as she threw him her reply. She knew as soon as she did, she would break down and she didn't want to break down. She had dealt with that issue a long time ago. She knew if she looked at him he would see it etched across her face and she wasn't ready to share it just yet, she couldn't. It might change his view of her, and she wasn't ready for him to know right now. She knew she had to eventually, and she would do, just in her own time when she felt strong enough to let that last bit of her wall crumble; but for now she would keep this one last confession to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, I'm really sorry about the wait on this story, I could come up with a ton of excuses, but to be quite honest there aren't any! I got this idea in my head and posted the first chapter with no clue where I wanted to go with it, but rest assured I have a clear outline where this is going now, however, I don't know how long it's going to be!**

**In the description I said that nobody knew about Kate's last confession, I've changed it round a bit to fit in with the story, so infact Lanie ****does ****know! **

**I didn't know when to stop with this chapter and I didn't really want to considering I was on a roll… next chapter should be up in a few days. It may get a little darker before it gets lighter! Would love to hear your thoughts and if I should continue, especially after such a long time!**

**Disclaimer****- nope not mine, unfortunately, if they were we'd see a lot more action ;)**

Hearing her phone buzz on the kitchen side was a welcome distraction for Kate, although granted, at this time it could only mean one thing. A body.

All she wanted to do was go home and sleep, although she knew deep down that sleep would evade her for as long as possible and images of the last few days would scream out at her. If she was able to get a measly few hours, it would be full of night terrors and cold sweats. So yea, she welcomed the dead body as a distraction. Unfortunately.

Kate pulled up at the crime scene, she hates this bit; seeing a dead body in an alley way, behind the yellow crime scene. It always brought back memories of her mother and how she was taken from this world to early. Since being with castle, those thoughts were few and far between, but this night her mind was dark and full of past memories that she just couldn't shake off.

She shifted her thoughts to the victim that lay on the ground, a few metres in front of her. She stepped under the tape and approached Lanie.

"What've we got Lanie?" Kate asked as she leaned over the victim.

But one look at the victim told Kate all she needed to know. The victim was in her early thirties with wavy light brown hair that descended just past her shoulders, clad in a pinstriped pencil skirt suit and a white shirt underneath. On her feet was a pair of black, low heel sandal type shoes. She was clearly a woman on top of her game, and judging by the ring on her wedding finger she was married, probably with a young family waiting for her at home.

The physical resemblance was what striked Kate the most and it sent a shiver right through her. _How? We put him away, we got a confession. The evidence was solid. Everything was wrapped up nicely. _Kate was deep in her own thoughts and inner turmoil when Lanie placed a hand gently on her shoulder.

"Girl, you were away with the fairies there. You didn't catch a word I just said. You ok?" Lanie asked with a sensitive tone and offered a small smile.

"Uh, yea. Sorry Lanie say that again"

"Our victim here is Melanie Anderson, thirty three. She wasn't mugged, still has her credit cards and cash in her purse, but Kate?" Lanie paused to know that she had Kate's full attention. "This woman was killed exactly the same way as the young teenager a few days ago"

Kate let out a frustrated sigh, irritated and angry as she spoke in the direction of Ryan and Esposito who were hovering close by, waiting for instructions from their boss.

"I need you to go through all of the records for Jeff Peters, there's no doubt he's not guilty of murdering that young girl the other day, but there is no way he was working alone from the looks of the body here. Check all phone records and financials with a fine tooth comb, and find out who he was involved with back in the day, anyone from school and college, even extracurricular activities. I wanna know everything about that little slime ball. And everyone he hung around with."

"Really boss? You think there is a link between him and this murder?" Esposito asked.

"You don't think it's just a copycat?" Ryan joined the conversation.

Kate thought for a moment before answering the boys' questions.

"It seems like a good enough place to start right now. Ask the usual stuff of course, but until anything pops, we start with Jeff Peters."

Espo and Ryan noted there orders before nodding and going to get on with the task at hand.

Back at the precinct Kate sat in front of the murder board with a frown of confusion across her face. She'd visited the family of Melanie Anderson, and as she initially thought; she was a likable woman with a loving family and no enemies. The attack was random. And that made the case that much harder. She was stuck at a dead end and she hated it.

Her mind suddenly thought of Castle. _If he was here he might have some explanation. Even a wild theory would be useful right now._

Then all thoughts went to last night and what had happened. _Oh god. if there was a good enough reason to run, flee the country even, this would be it. _

Castle was pacing around his loft trying to keep himself busy, he'd cleaned, yes that's right, cleaned every single shelf in the loft trying to distract himself from all thoughts of Kate, the thoughts that she was second guessing their relationship, why she had pulled away from him last night, well, the early hours of this morning. Why she was being so distant with him.

He so desperately wanted to speak to her, tell her that he was there, _always, _no matter what, but he knew if he did that, if he pushed her, she would just run in the opposite direction as fast as she possibly could. After all, this was so new to Kate and he knew she'd have some teething problems at first. Of course it was all new to him too, but he had absolutely no doubt that Kate was the one woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He wanted to marry her one day and sweep her off her feet, make little Castle babies; as Maddie had put it. Everyone who knew Kate would definitely agree that she deserved all the happiness, comfort and security he was willing to offer, he'd do anything she asked of him, or didn't ask as the case may be. And right now, he knew she needed space, and space is what he would give her. At least for a few hours anyway, until he could no longer stand the pull, that magnetic force that was driving him towards her to make sure she was ok.

Hours had passed by. _Very slowly, _and he couldn't wait any longer. He had to hear her voice. It was unusual for them to not speak at least twice during the day when he wasn't there, so he really was beginning to worry, and his writer's imagination was getting the better of him, in typical Castle fashion of course.

So he picked up his phone and called her.

Kate was in the break room making herself a coffee, it had been a long day and they hadn't gotten much back from Jeff Anderson, or with digging around in his past. She was certain he had something to do with it. She was sure of it. All they were waiting on now were the lab reports from Lanie, and as always there was a back log, so it would take a few days.

Her phone rang and as she glanced at the caller id she sighed, she should of known it was castle, she also knew how he worried about her and how much effort it must have taken for him to hold off from calling her all day. She still couldn't speak to him though, she needed to see Lanie, and she also needed a drink. So she silenced the call from Castle, abandoned her coffee and made her way down to the morgue.

Castle wasn't surprised that she didn't answer, he knew that she would come to him when she was ready, so instead of trying to call her again and invade her space, he wrote a quick text message, just to let her know that he was here for her when she was ready.

**You know I'm here for you, so please don't shut me out. Whatever it is, we can work through it together. **

As Kate was entering the morgue she got side tracked by the message that she received.

As she read it, a feeling of guilt flowed through her, she was pushing him away, and although she needed space to just figure out her thoughts and how to tell him about this whole mess of a situation, she also wanted him to know that she wasn't going to run, however much she wanted to. She thought about telling him over text, but then she also thought that that was a cowardly way, so instead she'd go for the next best thing.

**I just need a bit of space to work through my thoughts. I'm going for a drink with Lanie. I promise you I'm not going to run. But we do need to talk later; well I need to talk you rather, and I hope you don't want to run after. I'll call when I'm home. K.x**

She hit send and knew he would probably over analyse that message, but she also knew he would do as she asked, as usual, and wait patiently for her call later.

She walked to the office where Lanie was finishing up some paper work and leaned against the wall opposite her desk, and let out a long sigh.

"Fancy a drink?" She asked. "God knows I need one. Or three!" she finished.

But Lanie knew Kate; she knew this case would affect her in some way. And she also knew Kate would make an appearance, that's why she took her time with the paperwork and stayed a little later. She wouldn't tell Kate that of course. She was just glad she had come to her instead of burying it like she used to.

"Sure thing" Lanie agreed, grabbing her coat and leading the way out. "Forget wine. We need the stronger stuff!" She said playfully.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N I'm blown away by how many of you have added this to your favourites and alerts, writing is just a hobby of mine which I use to escape from reality, so thank you **** a big thanks to those that have reviewed, it's nice to know that people still want to read this. I'd still love to know what you guys think of course, so feel free to put your thoughts in that little box! **

**I hope you enjoy chapter 3, I've played around with this for hours trying to get it right!**

**Disclaimer: nope not mine, Andrew Marlowe is more than capable!**

They made their way to a bar a few blocks away from the Precinct in silence, not a word was spoken. And of course Lanie knew better than to push Kate into talking, so she just let her ponder with her own thoughts. It wasn't unusual for the pair to share an evening of drinks together; they'd done it plenty of times before.

Lanie knew what was playing on Kate's mind and judging from her demeanour over the past few days she knew that Kate needed this; a shoulder to cry on, an ear to bend, and advice from someone who wouldn't judge her, a friend to share the burden of her worries.

They walked in to the bar; it was a small place and relatively quiet, as it usually is on a week night. There were a few other people dotted around; business men winding down after a hard day's work and what looked like a few regulars sat at the bar, chatting away with one another.

The atmosphere was calm and relaxing, a complete opposite to what Kate felt inside. Her mind was racing with a ton of different thoughts, from Castle, to the case and everything in between, how this time a few days ago she'd never been happier, about last night, about not speaking to Castle all day. God she needed a drink. _A lot of drink. _Kate thought to herself before turning to Lanie.

Kate pointed towards the booth at the back of the room. "Go sit over there, i'll get us some drinks." And with a small nod Lanie headed over to take a seat. It was a place where you could spend a lot of time, a place where you could talk, the music was low in the background and the seating was comfortable.

Kate made her way back to the table with only one thought in mind, 'get absolutely shit faced' She put the tray carefully on the table, trying not to spill the contents.

Lanie looked to the tray then back up to Kate. "Soooo" Lanie said slowly. "Your plan for tonight is to get wasted?" she gestured at the tray which held a bottle of wine and 2 shots of black Sambuca.

Kate shrugged her shoulders and placed a shot in front of Lanie, then poured them both a large glass of wine.

Lanie looked at the shot and shivered, already wondering how bad the hangover would be tomorrow.

"You do know we have work _early _tomorrow right?" Lanie asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Don't be such a spoil sport, how many times have we done this? We've survived it before and I'm pretty sure were young enough to survive it again." Kate said with a smile. But it wasn't a smile of someone wanting to enjoy themselves. Lanie could see from the look on her face that it was someone who wanted to forget, wanted to get lost for a while. She'd seen that face so many times before.

"We haven't done this" Lanie started, gesturing towards the shot glass in front of her "for a long, long time."

Lanie, for once was trying to be the responsible one, but Kate was having none of it, she took her shot glass and ushered towards Lanie to do the same.

With a look of defeat she picked up the shot glass and downed it in one, as did Kate, followed by a grimace from both of them as the liquid made its way down their throats.

Kate was the first one to speak, starting with tales of when they were younger, spinning stories and laughing, aswell as cringing at the memories they had made, which most of, coincidently started off with wine and spirits.

Lanie knew what Kate was doing; she was trying to distract herself from the problem at hand.

As the idle chit chat came to an end, and the bottle of wine had quickly evaporated! An awkward silence fell over them. Lanie was the first to break it and spoke in a matter-of-fact kind of way. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, I'll wait all night if I have to."

Kate looked from Lanie to the tray on the table. "More drinks?" she offered, then got up to head to the bar before Lanie could reply. She let out a sigh as she watched Kate's figure retreat to the bar.

Kate knew she couldn't avoid _the _topic, and if she was honest with herself she didn't really want to. She just needed another dink to loosen her up a bit. The first drinks – as she thought - went down quite quickly, and she was definitely starting to feel the effect, especially on an empty stomach.

She returned with a tray, again with the same drinks as before, and sat down without saying a word, she poured each of them a glass of wine and passed one to Lanie. Kate took a long sip before placing the glass on the table, then ran her finger over the rim of the glass, mesmerised at the liquid inside like it was suddenly the most fascinating thing she had ever seen.

A few moments passed and Lanie was the one to break the silence. She'd had enough of the pussy footing around and diversions.

"Talk to me Kate, theirs definitely something going on inside that head of yours. And the last time I checked I wasn't a mind reader, so I can't help you unless you start talking."

_Straight out with it as always, Kate_ thought to herself as she looked up from her glass and gave a small laugh at Lanie and her ability to _not _beat about the bush.

"You know," Kate started with a quiet tone as she looked back to her glass.

"This case, it's bought up a lot of things." Kate finished, unsure of how to finish.

"From when you were seventeen?" Lanie asked, with a gentle tone, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"Yea, you know, when…" Kate couldn't finish her sentence, she couldn't bring herself to say it. She ran a hand through her hair in frustration and looked at Lanie, waiting for her reaction, hoping for a way out, a get out of jail free card. Something, Anything.

Lanie lowered her voice to a whisper "When you were raped." Lanie finished for her.

She felt for Kate, she really did, she was there when she was putting herself back together all those years ago, had seen how messed up she had become and she knew how hard it had been for her. How hard it was for her to regain some control over her life. And then just two years later when she was finally getting back to her usual self, her mother was murdered. Lanie had to squash the tears back that were threating to fall.

_How could one person go through so much and come out on top, it was unreal the amount of strength Kate had, how she had not broken down completely and gave up. She did go off the rails for a while, but that's expected. Hell, people would have thought something was wrong if she didn't lose herself for a while. Yet here she is, a detective, a good one at that, stuff good, she was probably the best on her team, she had loyal friends who would move the earth for her and a ruggedly handsome writer who loved the bones of her and would do anything she asked. Oh? Castle? Ok, that is a topic that should definitely be spoken about. _

Lanie was brought out of her thoughts at Kates reply. "Yea, when I was raped." She said quietly, drawing out a long breath she hadn't realised she was holding. Her eyes still trained on her glass.

Kate was praying for Lanie to take control of the conversation, she had no idea how to explain anything, the fact that she'd not spoken to Castle about any of this, that she had walked out on him last night and not spoken to him properly since, that she just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide for a while.

Oh god. Her head was fuzzy just thinking about it, or was that the alcohol? More alcohol. Yes, let's go with that. She reached for her glass and took another long sip. Or was it more of a gulp?

"So" Lanie started, as she followed Kate's lead and picked up her own glass of wine.

"Castle?"

Kate inwardly thanked whatever god their was up there.

"Have you spoken to him about any of this?"

"No. not a word" Kate said hesitantly. "Although he does know something is going on."

"Why?" Lanie questioned, "What happened?"

"Last night" Kate started, taking another sip of her drink. "We were in the middle of, well, he was in the middle of making love to me" Kate said hesitantly as a slight blush crept to her cheeks.

Lanie recognised how awkward this might be for Kate, especially since she was a very private person, she hated talking about that aspect of her life, so in typical Lanie fashion she made a quick comment hoping humour would defuse the awkwardness a little for her friend.

"Lucky you." she said with a grin on her face and raised her eyebrows.

"Not really." Kate said with a sad look in her eyes.

_Oh, now were getting somewhere _Lanie thought to herself as she waited for Kate to continue.

"I couldn't do it." was all that Kate said, hoping Lanie would understand.

Lanie looked down at the table, closed her eyes for a second before she spoke. "Why did you feel like you couldn't? I mean, I know you went through therapy, but why let it bother you now? And I know this case has hit you hard but?..." she trailed off as she looked up at Kate who was deep in thought, probably thinking of how to verbalise her thoughts.

Before Lanie could say anything else, Kate spoke and in what seemed like a whirl wind, just let it all out. "I felt trapped, he was on top of me and I felt like I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. And when he pinned my hands up above my head I just panicked, told him to stop and walked out. Left him hanging with no explanation what so ever, haven't spoken to him since." She finished quickly and waited apprehensively for Lanie's onslaught of questions and a verbal kicking for running. _Again._

But she didn't get a verbal kicking, quite the opposite actually.

Lanie looked at Kate with an expression which showed she was trying to take all of this in, never had Kate divulged this sort of thing before, so it was a little unexpected. Let alone shocked that she had left Castle hanging.

"You haven't told him?" Lanie asked, nothing but compassion in her voice.

Kate shook her head. _No._

She dropped her head towards the table, her hair automatically covering her face, which she was grateful for as a tear made its way down her cheek.

Lanie wanted to ask about Castle and what his reaction had been, but she knew right now that wouldn't help, this was about Kate and helping her deal with the thoughts buzzing around in her head, and she knew her well enough to know exactly what her insecurities were.

"You know he won't love you any less, or treat you any differently right?" Lanie stated as she leaned over to give Kate's hand a gentle squeeze.

Kate huffed out a breath and looked back up at Lanie with glassy eyes, and another look that Lanie couldn't figure out, _torment? Uncertainty? Afraid? _but that was a look to figure out another day, right now she needed to reassure her friend. Kate took another sip of her drink and stayed silent.

At the silence Lanie made it her opportunity to carry on.

"You know Kate, You will have to tell him. But you already know that don't you? He will love you no matter what, look at everything you have been through together? He loves you Kate, it's clear to everyone. Don't you dare think differently" Lanie said quietly, her voice full of compassion and her heart a little heavy for her friend as she knew it would mean re-living it all over again, especially as Castle always needs the full story, especially when it comes to Kate and her past. Another strip of the Beckett onion.

Kate knew Lanie was right, he loved her more than life itself; he'd move mountains for her. And she also loved him with the same intensity.

Kate looked up towards her friend, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears and her voice thick as she spoke the only two words she could manage. "I know."

"Come on." Lanie said softly as she picked up her bag and held her hand out for Kate, knowing that enough was enough for one day. "Let's go."

Without another word said between them they were both on their feet leaving the bar.

They hugged each other in a tight embrace, saying their goodbyes at the door before leaving to go their separate ways.

The last thing Lanie said to Kate was "Don't be scared, just tell him. He'll want to know. And remember, he will love you no matter what."

And with that thought swirling around her head she made her way to the loft, pulling out her phone to send a couple of texts.

The first one to Lanie.

'**Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you. k.x'**

The second one to Castle.

'**I'm coming home now. I have something to tell you, an explanation. But please don't suffocate me. It's going to be hard enough. k.x'**

she knew she should have called and spoke to him, but she couldn't deal with the twenty one questions that she knew he would have, and right now she needed the quiet walk back to the loft to clear her head, and gather her thoughts. Run through how she would tell him, brace herself for his reaction, and get ready for the emotional journey that awaited her at Castle's loft.


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N - Wow two chapters in less than 24 hours, I'm on a roll with this writing malarkey! Maybe it has something to do with my email exploding overnight! **

**Although the sensitivity of the story, I'm really enjoying writing it, maybe because I know there will be a happy ending :) **** I can't leave them in turmoil right?**

**This was a difficult chapter, mainly because of the content, I haven't gone into too much detail but it was still hard to think about and write it down; I hope I portrayed the situation properly and showed their emotions correctly. If you have any suggestions or anything I should have done differently, well you know what to do :) **** it's great to hear what you guys think! **

**Disclaimer: still not mine, although I'd love them for Christmas!**

**Oh and happy Castle Monday! This episode will be the death of me. To the Hamptons we go. lalalala!**

Castle was sat at his desk when his phone chimed, indicating he had a message. He'd spent the whole day trying to avoid his thoughts, which he somehow managed for a while, before his writers imagination took over. His imagination was a blessing; it was his work, his life, what he thoroughly enjoyed doing. But on days like this where he had no idea what was going on or how to fix it, it was a curse, an evil curse.

After cleaning every single side in the loft with precision, he'd resorted to re-arranging the cupboards, then sorting through the laundry. He never did the laundry, his mother or Alexis took care of that; mostly because he wasn't allowed, apparently seeing how many bubbles you can make appear in the machine is _not _getting the laundry done. He thought at one point as he paced up and down the loft that he was having a break down. But no, it was just his imagination running wild. _Again. _

He'd took a walk hoping it would clear his head, only everything he saw reminded him of Kate, the local coffee shop, the small boutique in which he bought her that dress for their undercover operation, even the sound of police sirens whizzing through the City.

He made his way back to the loft, he wouldn't call her. No. she needed breathing space and it was evident something was eating away at her. She knew she would come back when she was ready, this was just how Kate worked, she ran away, figured everything out and then came back with an apology or an explanation. Sometimes both.

Castle didn't like that side of her much, but he loved her, so he would take the not so good side of her along with the extraordinary. She'd promised to work on it and he believed she would, but like anything, it takes work. And every relationship has its teething troubles, but he could live with that, because he loved her. He'd take everything rather than nothing at all.

So here he was sat at his desk, reading the text message from Kate.

At the first glance of the message a feeling of uncertainty passed through him which made his breath hitch, and then he read it again. _Home. _That one word jumped out at him and squashed any unwarranted thoughts, she'd called the loft home and that eased his worry slightly. They hadn't moved in together _yet, _but they had spent nearly every night together since she showed up on his door step soaked to the bone and seeking forgiveness. Full of desire and love, unadulterated need and want, her mind set knowing exactly what she wanted. _Him. Them. Always. _

He had no qualms now about the fact she wanted to be with him, but he couldn't understand what had made her so vulnerable, fragile even over the last few days.

Before his imagination went walkabout again, he was brought out of his thoughts as he heard the front door quietly close. _Kate. Thank god. _

She stood in the hall way, well if you could call it a hallway, and looked around noticing how eerily quiet it was. She made her way to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water, considering the amount of alcohol she had consumed tonight; she thought it would be a good idea to rehydrate. The walk back had somewhat sobered her up, and all she felt from the effects of the alcohol now was a light buzz. A warm fuzzy feeling.

As soon as he appeared in the kitchen across the counter from her, she could feel him, sense his presence, his love. It was like a force she had never known, it consumed her, and sometimes that terrified her, but right now she was glad of that feeling, relieved to know he was still their. _Waiting._

She closed the fridge and turned slowly to face him across the counter, his eyes full of concern, full of love. Just for her. He smiled gently towards her, his eyes and his smile saying everything he couldn't put into words, not without scaring her off again at least. She smiled a small smile in return, her eyes conveying an emotion he couldn't read, because as quickly as he saw it, it was gone.

This is how they are though, this was their normal, and they never really needed words to _tell _one another what they were feeling, their eyes said it all. They could sense it, they just knew. It was an unspoken rhythm they had mastered since early stages of their working partnership, she would close up and he'd keep pushing through her wall, slowly at first, picking away at it with a chisel, until he was far enough through it, that all it needed was one swift kick and it all came tumbling down. A pile of rubble at her feet.

He'd worked so hard to get to where they are today, for her to trust him, and their was no way he was letting that damned wall go up again, not without an emotional battle at least.

They stood their for what seemed like hours, just looking into each other's eyes, but in actuality it was mere seconds.

He was waiting for her to speak, and she knew it. He'd wait all night for her if he had to, she also knew that too.

"Hey." She said softly, eyes not moving from his.

"Hey, yourself." He said with a gentle tone, it was comforting and delicate to her ears.

She looked down at the bottle of water on the side, the same way she had looked at her wine glass in the bar with Lanie, only this time there were no tears, not yet at least.

He could see she was struggling with whatever it was inside her, something deep, and he knew it was hurting her; it actually scared him a little bit, although he didn't let it show. He couldn't let it show, not yet.

Moments of silence had passed and Castle decided to take the lead, knowing she would stand there until next week if it meant not discussing anything, not dealing with her emotions, whatever it was that was fighting to stay deep inside.

He was quiet when he spoke, but completely sincere.

"Are you ok? I mean… is their something you want to talk about? We could sit?" he offered, motioning towards the couch.

She looked up from her water bottle and nodded her head, walking towards the couch and taking a seat.

He sat close to her, not to close that he was suffocating her, but close enough for her to know that he was there, close enough to reach out for him if she needed him.

She turned to face him, and he did the same, both now facing each other, dark pools of green staring into bright blue.

She was comfortable, and although still full of nerves and worry, she made a start on where she wanted this conversation to go.

"Castle, this case…" she began quietly, pausing for a moment to gather her thoughts.

"It's been… difficult. Challenging for me." she finished, hoping she sounded more confident than she was feeling.

Rick let out a sigh, and closed his eyes. _It was just a hard case; she was just worrying about a case. _He thought in relief.

"I thought something serious was wrong, I mean not that this case isn't wrong because it definitely is, but with you I mean." He finished, hoping she understood his thinking and his worry for her.

Oh god, he doesn't get it. She thought he could read her better than this, or maybe she just hadn't said enough to make him understand.

She began again. "Rick, what I mean is… this case is, it's personal." She stuttered slightly at her last words.

He looked at her as if he was waiting to hear more; he still hadn't caught on to her meaning. _Bloody hell, _she thought, she knew she was being cryptic with her words but she thought he would have figured it out, or was it that she wanted him to figure it out? so she didn't have to tell him in so many words. _Why is everything so complicated, _she thought again,then another little voice pooped up in her head. _It's only complicated if you make it complicated._

Then she heard Lanie, _he will love you no matter what._

She knew there was no other way, she would just have to spit it out, get it out there in the open, then deal with his reaction later, she couldn't think about that right now. She knew that he loved her, but her vulnerabilities and insecurities made her paranoid that his opinion of her would change, regardless of whatever else they had been through.

"Personal?" he echoed a few moments later when he realised Kate hadn't said anything else.

"Look Rick, let me exp…" she was cut off at his next question.

He gulped, and then said "Personal? What kind of personal?" his tone was a whisper, the kind you would use if you were in a room full of people and wanted to say something private. For their ears only.

Maybe he _was_ putting it together. Thank the lord for his writer's imagination. Jumping to the worst case scenario usually bugged her, but right now she appreciated it.

The shock on his face was undeniable, which quickly turned to hurt. Her expression was one full of worry and uncertainty.

"Kate?" he said as his hand went to touch her face, "you mean? God you were?" she confirmed what she knew he was asking with a small nod of her head, but the look on her face said it all alone.

A small tear escaped and she put her head down, effectively moving her head from ricks hand.

He didn't know what to do, as much as he was shocked he also knew that Kate needed comforting, he didn't know if it was the right thing to do right now, but it was the only thing he could think of that would reassure her he was there. He lifted her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear, he slowly wiped his thumb across her cheek to capture the tear that had fallen, and then he spoke softly as he looked at the top of her head, inwardly willing her to look at him.

"Kate? It's going to be ok, I promise. I love you."

As she heard his declaration she looked up at him and slowly shifted closer, gently wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning her head on his shoulder as she silently cried.

He shifted positions slightly so they were comfortable, and he held her close, closer than he ever had before as she let the flood gates open, and all of the tension and worry that had built up over the last few days finally made its way out.

They sat like that for a long time; half an hour? An hour? Who knew? It didn't matter anyway. Rick stroked her hair as a way of trying to calm her down, letting her know he was there and always would be. Kate's thumb rubbed soothing circles on his back; a comfort for her more than anything else, easing her mind that he was still there. The rhythm of his breathing and the feel of his chest rising and falling lulled her back to a somewhat more calm and controlled state.

When she began to speak, her tone was hushed and spoken into his shoulder; she preferred it like this as she didn't feel as exposed. "I was seventeen." She began, taking a deep breath and inhaling his scent for comfort.

When he realised she was going to tell him his hand made its way up to cradle her neck and he kissed the top of her head.

"We'd been out. Me and Lanie." She clarified for him as she knew he would want to know who she was with.

"To the cinema, it wasn't _that _late, but the winter nights had set in and it was dark. Dark and cold." She shuddered as she remembered the feeling of the icy winds biting at her hands and face. Castle kissed the top of her head again and held her tighter as he felt her shiver. He didn't say anything, he knew his touch was enough and he didn't want to interrupt Kate; he knew this was something she had to do.

"We'd said goodbye to each other as we made our separate ways home. Lanie took a cab as she lived a few miles in the opposite direction, I only lived a couple of blocks away, and so, stupidly I decided to walk it."

Castle took in a deep breath, he knew what was coming and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it, let alone allow Kate to relive it. So he spoke calmly into her hair.

"You don't have to you know? Not yet."

She ignored him, she had to do this, and she wouldn't feel better unless she did. She carried on.

"I remember it all, Castle." She said holding back a sob. "The smell of the street, the feel of the cold, his hands on me, pinning me down. The hurt of the grazes and bruises for days and days after, from how he dragged and pushed me into a back alley, from the force of him heavy above me. I tried so hard to fight him off but I just couldn't, he was to strong. The look in his eyes gave me nightmares for months after." She finished quietly and took in a long breath; fighting a panic attack.

_Pinning her down, that explains her panic the other night, oh god. Kate. _Castle thought as Kate had gone silent. His eyes now were shiny with unshed tears, but he had to be the strong one, he couldn't break down. Not yet, not when she's like this.

She closed her eyes and tried to compose herself.

"His hands around my neck, I couldn't breathe."

The realisation of what Kate had just said hit him like a train wreck. He froze; he closed his eyes and let out a long steady breath, unsure of what to say.

Kate leaned back from his shoulder, aswell as moving her hands from around his waist to look at him. She cupped his cheeks with both hands, as she did, his eyes opened. The questioning look there couldn't be missed, his eyes held so many questions.

"Say something?" Kate whispered, dropping her head to look at her head, removing her hands from his face also.

His mind was spinning with possibilities, vivid images forming in his brain from Kate being dragged away, to seeing the bruises around her neck, he had infact seen them there once before. _Jesus, how many times can this woman escape death? _

"How did you get away? Did you catch him? Was he put away for what he did?"

_Too many questions Castle, _hechided himself.

"Someone must have heard me shouting for help, and yes he was caught, he wasn't that careful and he left DNA" Kate finished, knowing Castle knew what she _wasn't_ saying about the DNA.

Her answers were short and to the point, she'd had enough for one night, she'd hope he'd see that, and stop questioning her.

She was looking at him now, her eyes bore into his.

"This case? it's very…. Familiar?" he asked as his eyes never faltered from hers.

Kate nodded her head. _Yes. Too familiar. _

She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. she was done for today.

"There's a lot of information flying around at the moment so nothing is concrete, we're waiting for lab reports from Lanie for any traces of DNA, they should be done by tomorrow." She said, still sat back on the couch with her eyes closed.

"Kate? We'll figure this out tomorrow then?" He asked. He wasn't sure if she would want him their after today.

She nodded again showing her acceptance, followed by a yawn.

He stood up, took her hand in his, and led her to the bedroom.

He noticed her body tense up slightly and he pulled her to him for a soft hug. "No funny business. I promise." He said genuinely as he kissed her hair.

Once in bed, Rick kept his distance from Kate, much like he did on the sofa.

Kate however needed some comfort from him tonight, so she moved up closer to Rick's body and laid her head on his chest, her hand splayed on his stomach and closed her eyes.

"Thank you." She whispered, as she heard the soft thud of his heartbeat against his chest, allowing it to gently coax her in to sleep.

"I love you." He said simply, as he put his arm around her and let sleep take over.

They might not sleep for long, and they may wake up during the night with rising panic or nightmares, but right now; the emotional wave they had just ridden out was exhausting and they both needed sleep. Even if it was just a few hours.


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N - I won't babble on today! I have nearly 100 favourites for this story which is awesome **** but don't be shy, I don't bite lol Let me know what you think, any improvements I can make? What you liked? Anything you would like to see once we get passed the angst? Thanks to those that have kindly taken the time to leave a review, it really does spur me on to write more. **

Kate woke with a start; in exactly the same position she had fallen asleep in. something in her sub-consciousness had forced her to wake. _Search Jeff Peter's apartment with a fine tooth comb. Again. _Glancing at the clock on the bedside table she noted that she had been asleep for less than three hours. _4.19AM_ the clock read. Kate let out a steady sigh, careful not to wake Rick.

He was just as exhausted as she was, they had another long day at the precinct and it wasn't fair to him if he was sleep deprived because of her own ridiculous sleeping pattern. She carefully removed herself from Castle's sleeping form and made her way out to the kitchen to make herself a coffee. Not that she needed it to keep her awake; it was just force of habit, and right now, something to keep her busy for a few minutes was better than lying in bed letting her thoughts run wild.

She sat in silence drinking her coffee, the only light coming from the full moon shining brightly through the windows and the digital display clock on the oven.

She knew she couldn't go into the precinct this early, so she did the next best thing; checked her email. She noticed one from Esposito and immediately opened it, ignoring any others for the time being. The time stamp was 12.07 AM, so she knew he must have been struggling with this case, 'I think we should search Jeff Peters' apartment again. I have a feeling there is something we missed. I'll check in with you first thing. Espo.'

The feeling was definitely mutual. It was a gut feeling, one that Beckett couldn't ignore, and by the looks of it Esposito felt the same. Being a cop meant that sometimes you had to rely on instinct alone, she'd trusted her gut instinct many times before and had been right, so now; especially since Jeff Peters was giving them not a thread to hang onto, she would trust herself and hope she was right once again.

Hoping to quieten her mind she decided to head for a shower, she used the upstairs bathroom so not to wake Caste.

She stood and let the red hot water cascade over her for twenty minutes before continuing her usual shower regime, she hoped the water would somehow wash away her thoughts, just like it did on any other case that consumed her. But this one was too personal and she knew she wouldn't rest properly until it was over.

She stood looking out across the city through Castle's living room window, she felt fresh after her shower and ready to put 100% into another day, regardless of what her mind was taunting her with.

The twinkling lights of the City stretched on for miles and the beginnings of the sun rise was starting to appear, the glow of deep red and orange low in the sky was mind blowing, she'd seen plenty of sunrises before but they were usually at a crime scene, or when she was rolling home after a night out and still drunk, So she never really had the chance to truly enjoy it. At this moment she realised just how much she had let her job take over her life, as much as she loved her job and felt a sense of power about putting criminals behind bars and getting justice, she also missed the little things like this; especially now she had someone to share it with. Who loved her as much as she loved him.

And as if he had read her thoughts, castle appeared. She felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist, his head resting on hers. "Beautiful isn't it." castle mumbled.

"Magical." Kate replied quietly, resting her hands on his arms, just enjoying being wrapped up in his arms. She put any other thoughts aside for this moment, just wanting a bit of peace and normalcy before the day got into full swing and the case took over again.

She leant her head back and angled her face to see him; he looked at her with complete love and awe in his eyes. Their lips met for a soft, passionate kiss, it wasn't full of want or need, just full of love for each other.

Castle was the first to pull away; he knew if he kept going it would arouse him, well, more than he already was. Doing things like _that _with _her _first thing in the morning was a sure fire way to end up back in bed, or on the sofa, or up against the wall. Anywhere as long as it was with Kate, but he knew her and he knew she wasn't ready for that yet, not until this case was put to rest.

"I love you." He said, looking back out over the city.

Kate leaned back into him, almost letting him take her full weight in his arms as they stood quietly watching the sunrise, wrapped around each other in a lovers embrace.

Kate was sat at her desk; Castle in his usual spot, they'd gotten in at 7.00AM although they didn't have any new leads to follow up, just a murder board to go over again with fresh eyes, but the end result was still the same. Nothing.

Esposito was the first of the boys to make an appearance just after eight. They discussed the email, a plan of what they were looking for and who searched where. They'd fill Ryan in on it when he arrived.

The elevator dinged and Kate looked up to see Ryan making his way across the bull pen. "Guys, guys." Ryan started, getting all three sets of eyes to look his way. "I was thinking last night, did anyone check his trash? I mean there was no point at first because we had already found what we were looking for. But since we figured out he wasn't acting alone….?"

"No." Kate said as she stood up. "And you're right, we had no reason to at the time, but now I think it's worth a shot." Kate turned her head to Esposito. "You and Ryan take the dumpsters within 2 blocks of his apartment; _if _he has thrown anything he might have thought he was being clever about it. I'll get a team of uniforms to help you aswell."

Before the boys could even think about turning their faces up at her command, Kate grabbed her jacket and walked towards the elevator. "Come on Castle, we've got the apartment to comb through." She shouted from over her shoulder.

Down at the morgue Lanie was reading through the report of Melanie Anderson – the second victim. One line jumped out to her in particular. _Wholely shit. _Lanie thought. _This is not good. Not good at all. _

She sent a text to Kate.

'**Report is back on our vic, need to see you ASAP.'**

Lanie already hated the fact that she was the one who had to be the bearer of bad news, and her stomach was in knots with nerves.

The news would send Kate into a free fall, completely wipe her out. Freefalling definitely wasn't an option though, she'd seen Kate at her lowest of lows and she certainly didn't want to see her go their again. She'd do whatever it took to stop that from happening, and she knew Castle would be willing to do the same. And the thought of Castle at Kate's side with her every step of the way settled her nerves slightly, not only for the news she was going to have to break in a very short time, but also for Kate's emotional health. If she had Castle it may just knock her off her feet, he wouldn't let her spiral out of control.

Kate and Castle made their way to the morgue after they had finished the search of Jeff Peters' apartment.

"Hiding five thousand dollars behind the toilet is a definite cause for concern. But where the hell did he get it from and why didn't he put it into his bank account?" Kate wondered out loud.

"Either he's like old people who prefer to keep their money at home where it's _probably _safer. Or it was payment for the murder of Melanie Anderson." Castle said.

"And I bet it's the latter." Kate replied, as they made their way through the doors to the morgue.

"Hey Lanie, you got the report back I take it?" Kate asked.

Lanie nodded at Kate's question but was stopped from saying anything else as Kate's phone rang.

"Beckett." She answered in her usual tone and put it on speaker.

It was Esposito.

"After hours of trawling through cash trans like tramps, we found something very interesting." Their was a pause.

"What did you find Espo?" Kate asked.

"Just some paperwork of a bank account that was opened two weeks before our vic was murdered, then closed the day after her death." Esposito said.

"ooookaay." Kate said slowly, "anything else?"

"Yea actually there is, five thousand smackers were put into the account the day after our vic died, but get this?" Ryan was talking now. "It was also taken out on the same day. Within hour's infact."

"You find anything as interesting?" Esposito asked, proud of his discovery.

"Something very interesting actually, five thousand dollars' worth of interesting." Kate said smugly as she looked at Castle, both of them understanding that they could now have another run at Jeff Peters and offer to bargain with him.

Little did either team member know that in just a few minutes Lanie would tell them exactly who the killer was, and all they had to do was find him.

Kate ended the call, but before she and Castle were able to get into their famous back and forth word play Lanie spoke.

"I know who the killer is."

Her tone was soft, and that instantly worried both Kate and Castle as this isn't like Lanie at all, even with her being surrounded by dead bodies she was still loud and upbeat, and this should be good news right?

Their was a few moments of silence.

"Any chance we could know too?" Kate deadpanned.

"I think you should sit down for a minute." Lanie suggested.

Kate already knew in her own mind who it was, but she spoke anyway in a tone that she used for interrogating suspects.

"Lanie, if I sit down I won't get back up. Just give me the damned name."

"John Moore."

Kate visibly paled and inhaled a sharp breath, but carried on anyway.

"And you're sure?" Kate asked. She wasn't questioning Lanie's professionalism to do her job properly; she just needed to be sure for her own minds sake.

"I double checked it Kate." Lanie said sympathetically.

"Well then, let's find this son of a bitch." Kate said with anger, making her way out.

Castle shot Lanie an apprehensive look and followed her out.

In the elevator up to the precinct Castle was the first to speak. "Do you think we should inform the captain?"

"And have her take me off the case? Not a chance. I want to be the one to interrogate the bastard when we find him and gladly lock him up and throw away the key."

"As long as you're ok, that's all that matters."

She gave him a small smile and reached her hand out to gently squeeze his. "I know, and thank you." She said softly as the doors opened and they made their way into the busy bull pen.

"Espo? Ryan?" Kate called to get their attention. "Our killer is John Moore, I need you to try and trace where that money came from and take another shot with Jeff Peters, see if he will confess that John Moore paid him to commit murder. Bargain with him if you have to."

She slapped a mug shot of the suspect on the murder board. "He." She said pointing at his face "Is going away for a very long time." Her actions were like a whirlwind, like something had taken over her.

Kate had put out an APB for John Moore, sent out photos to airports, bus stations and train stations. It seemed he didn't have a phone, none on record anyway, and she'd Froze his bank accounts. His last known address was empty; she figured that would be the case anyway, a convicted criminal never stays in one place for long periods of time, especially if they had just committed murder and paid for another.

She left the precinct late that evening giving the night staff strict instructions to call her if they found John Moore, regardless of what time it was.

She was tense, tired and hungry. The day had been a good one, as well as it could be on a team of homicide detectives and she was relieved that they were just inches away from catching the killer.

Castle could sense she was uptight and as soon as they walked into the kitchen he offered her to sit down and gave her shoulders and back a massage, which of course she was extremely grateful for. She relaxed considerably at the ministrations of his hands.

"I'll go run you a hot bath full of bubbles and scented candles and then I'll order some tea. You relax." Castle whispered as he got up to make his way to the ensuite bathroom.

As she lay in the bath with her eyes closed she couldn't help but wonder why? Why now? Why had he done this? She was determined to get answers if it was the last thing she'd do.

She was brought out of her thoughts when Castle entered the bathroom, bringing along with him a large glass of red wine. "Thought this might help you relax." He said sweetly as he handed her the wine.

"Thanks." Kate smiled.

"I love you." Was his response as he reached over and kissed the top of her head before leaving the bathroom.

The Chinese had been eaten and another glass of wine had been drunk. They now both lay in bed; the same positions as the night before; Kate's head on Castle's chest and her hand splayed on his stomach, Castle's hand running smoothly up and down her back.

"Why now?" Kate asked, but not expecting an answer.

"It's like he's done this for fun, to get at me. I mean choosing to rape and murder someone who looks just like me is a threat in itself. It's like he's saying 'just because you testified and put me away all those years ago doesn't mean I'll stop when I get out'"

Kate carried on, and Castle was happy to just listen for the time being, he knew it would do her good to get it off her chest.

"If he wanted to kill someone that looked like me, then why not just kill _me_? But then the fact that he left his DNA at the crime scene suggests to me that he wanted to be caught? He's been inside for so long that he doesn't know any different. Maybe he wanted to mess my head up again? Oh Castle I don't know any more." Kate finished as she got more and more wound up, her breathing pattern altered and she had to concentrate hard on breathing properly, fighting off _another _panic attack.

She wasn't asking the questions to get answers, she was just voicing her thoughts, and the more she thought about it the more she would drown. She was working herself up into a frenzy and Castle could see that.

He stroked her hair out of her face repeatedly; shushing her like you would a small child who had fallen over and scraped their knee. He kissed the top of her head, _once, twice, _and held her close until she visibly relaxed in his arms.

"I love you." He said as he waited for sleep to take over her. She let out a long sigh and curled in closer to his body, the place she loved, the place where she felt safe, and most of all, the place where she wanted to spend every night, for the rest of her life.


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N – This chapter is a lot shorter than the others, I never intended to go into a case with this story because quite frankly I confuse myself lol and it just ran away with itself, so let's just see this as a filler chapter to get the case stuff out of the way so we can move onto Beckett's and Castle's issues like I wanted to in the first place : ) Sorry if it makes no sense, I have no idea about police jargon or how long it takes to close a case! But hey, the sun always shines on T.V, so why not fanfiction too right?**

**As always I would to know what you think : ) **

**Disclaimer: Andrew Marlowe doesn't get confused when writing a case. I do. Go figure!**

All she needed was his 'parking ticket' as Jordan Shaw had once said. She was so desperate for that parking ticket. And that was exactly what she was trying to find the next day at the precinct.

The night before she had drifted to sleep in castles arms but as usual she hadn't gotten much sleep, her mind was too busy thinking of the ways in which she might catch the killer, the man who raped her when she was seventeen, the man who had paid someone to rape and murder a young girl, the same man that was taunting her with his last victim. the same way he had done years before, but thought that having someone else to do it would play tricks on her mind and have her stumbling into a black hole she knew so well, the black hole she was in the middle of when she testified against him and had him sent away. But when things were getting that intense where she thought she couldn't take any more mind games, she thought of Castle and that grounded her slightly, he stopped her drifting off into another world; One that was filled with bad memories and hurt.

Esposito and Ryan had questioned Jeff Peters again that day with such ferocity that they had him crumbling and giving up John Moore's name before they had even bargained a plea with him. They didn't really need his confession, but Beckett wanted it anyway so she could put John Moore's away for the maximum amount of time possible.

It was nearly 6PM before they had a hit on him, they went all out with the team and their resources, and Beckett wanted to scare him just like he had scared her when she was seventeen.

They found him thanks to their _parking ticket. _He tried to withdraw a large amount of money from his bank – clearly trying to make a run for it - which automatically sent a hit to the team. The bank clerk had stalled him; thankfully by giving him an excuse of the computers being down, and within minutes Beckett was cuffing him. _hard. _She had the urge to spit on him, but she knew that was unprofessional, so she kept her cool and hauled him into interrogation with a strength she never realised she had. '_Enjoy your stay.' _She had whispered viciously in his ear just before she shoved him away from her grip.

The interrogation with him was intense to say the least. He never gave her the confession she wanted, she couldn't break him no matter how hard she had tried, he was playing mind games with her. She had promised herself not to get sucked into them, but a comment about her being a lot stronger now physically than when she seventeen had tipped her over the edge.

She had pushed the table with such force to his abdomen that he struggled to catch his breath, and just as she moved around to grab him by the collar of his shirt, Ryan and Esposito had intervened and took over. They would like nothing more than to see him have a good kicking, but they also knew Beckett would get fired for gross misconduct immediately, and considering her background she would never return to the force, no matter her excuses.

She reluctantly let Esposito drag her to the break room where castle was waiting.

Before she went to interrogate John Moore's she had told him "under no circumstances do you come into the room, this is something I have to do on my own." Which of course he complied to until he saw her start to lose her temper, and immediately called the boys to take over.

So now he was making them a coffee, he knew it was late but it was the only thing he could do in the precinct to let her know he was their. Coffee was so much more for them, it wasn't just 'good morning' or an afternoon pick me up, it was 'I love you.' it was their _always._

"Are you ok?" Castle asked tentatively as he handed Kate her coffee.

She shrugged her shoulders as she gratefully accepted the coffee. "I think so." She smiled softly.

"Knowing the key is going to be thrown away and he can't ever come back to haunt me is reassuring." Kate said hesitantly before taking a sip of her coffee.

He offered his hand to leave the precinct but she didn't take it. Instead she walked out of the break room and to her desk to collect her belongings before making her way to the elevator, subtly looking to see if Castle was following her. He as always, was only a few steps behind.

She pulled up at his apartment and before he had chance to get out she spoke. "I need some time on my own; I'm going to stay at my apartment."

The look on Castles face was one of immediate shock, but it quickly vanished in understanding; he almost expected this, but he couldn't help but feel a little hurt that she was running. _Yet again. _

"OK." Castle smiled a false smile, "if you need me you know where I am, I'm just a phone call away." His gaze fixed on hers as he spoke.

He opened the door and went to move out, but was stopped as a hand made its way to his and squeezed gently. "Thank you." Kate said softly.

"I love you" Was his only response as he smiled at her softly and shut the door to make his way to his apartment, slightly deflated as he thought he would be cuddling up to her tonight. Making her feel safe and secure.

And there it was again. _I love you. _Like it explained everything, and it meant the world to her to hear him say that. Especially after everything that had happened.

She let out a sigh as she watched him through her rear view mirror walk into the lobby of his building; a single tear falling down her cheek.

She drove off as her heart ached deep inside her chest, knowing his would be shattering just the same.


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N A big thanks to 'kuhplat' who let me throw a few ideas around for this chapter and gave me some great feedback! **

**I apologise if Martha isn't in character, I tried my best with her! Also can we just imagine Espo and Ryan no nothing about this, one reviewer asked if they knew and in my rush to wrap up the case I forgot about them a little bit! It may come out at a later date, who knows? **

**Disclaimer – last time I checked Andrew Marlowe was still the boss!**

**Any errors are mine, it's late on a Sunday night where I live and after a crazy weekend it's time for some sleep! Also can I just say - No Castle tomorrow? YOU WHAT? Their should be a law about this! **

Kate's heart was a heavy weight in her chest when she left Castle, it scared her a little of how lonely she felt without him. It was an unwelcome feeling, but if she was ever unsure of spending her life with Castle, this feeling told her that _not_ spending the rest of her life with him just wasn't an option. Ever. Not if she could help it.

She wouldn't let her mind wander there though; it was too much to think about right now.

She stepped through the door of her apartment and it felt cold, dark and empty; more so now than ever before.

As she made her way to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine she realised just how isolated and alone she had felt for a long time, years maybe. Even with boyfriends past she still had the feeling that something was missing, and until she met castle she no idea what it was. It's like he was the last part of the puzzle that she needed to complete her. Even before they had started dating she knew he was the one for her, the way he took over her thoughts at any given opportunity, and she'd never admit this to him, not yet anyway, that she'd often thought about him while she was in bed with another man; wishing it was him, and fought with all her might not to call out _his _name.

Never had she felt a connection this deep, this raw. She had never truly understood the term 'mind, body and soul' until now and if she had to describe it, she would say 'when were together it's like nothing else matters in the world apart from each other.'

Back at the loft Castle was feeling deflated, he knew Kate needed some space to work through this and although he didn't voice it, he was worried about her. If he had mentioned his concerns he was sure he would have been given an eye roll, followed by 'I'm fine Castle.'

It still broke his heart though that she couldn't open up to him completely; tell him what was going through her mind. He couldn't help her if she wouldn't let him and that frustrated Castle no end, so much so, the first thing he did when he got back to the loft was pour himself a very large whiskey, he downed it in one and poured a second. He knew getting drunk wasn't the way to deal with it, and he was sure Beckett would have something to say about his actions, but he was so lost in his mind that he just needed to forget; everything that Kate told him had weighed him down, he would never admit this to her though and he wanted to numb the pain, even it was just for a few hours. He desperately wished he could numb the pain for both of them, but as it goes, Kate Beckett is as stubborn as they come and she wants to try to get through this alone, put everything back into that little box to never be opened again.

Little did either party know what was going on in one another's minds. Communicating was something neither of them was good at, and right now, this situation that they were in; separated but needing each other, just proves how very much they needed to start talking. _Really _talking.

He'd been deep in thought and hadn't noticed when Martha breezed through the apartment in her typical dramatic fashion. "Darling you will not believe the day and night I have ha…" she was stopped in her tracks as she entered her son's office to notice him cradling a half empty bottle of whiskey, about to pour another good measure.

"Hi." He smiled softly.

She was initially shocked to see him like this, he hadn't been in this state since the bombing attack a few months ago, and she thought everything was going fine. Well more than fine actually since she had witnessed, on more than a few occasions him and Kate unable to keep their hands off of each other, which, let's just say was more than embarrassing for each one of them one night when Kate and Castle had got a little _too_ touchy feely in the kitchen.

"You, plus a half bottle of whiskey is definitely not a good sign. What's going on?" Martha asked. She wouldn't usually pry into his personal life, but she could see something was wrong as he didn't usually drink to excess and she was certain it had something to do with Kate, Martha would call it a mother's intuition, but in reality she knew he only drank like this when Kate was the source of the problem, and that had only been twice before. What she had seen anyhow.

When Castle didn't reply Martha took it upon herself to have a stab at the reason of his moping. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say something has happened between you and Kate?"

"Is it really that obvious?" he said, with a sorry tone to his voice. It was heart breaking to witness really, but of course Martha was the actress of the family and could put on a brave face, hoping to squash some of her son's fears. Pass on some of the wisdom she had collected over her years.

She closed the door to the study knowing Alexis was upstairs, Martha was certain Alexis wouldn't want to hear this, especially since it had taken a lot for her to come around to the idea of her father dating the detective.

She leant against the door and looked down at Rick who was swallowing the last of the whiskey in his glass. "You wanna talk about it?" she asked easily.

"Do you really want to know?" he retorted back.

"If it's gotten you into this state, then yes, I really want to know. I want to help you, don't forget I have _years _of experience under my belt." She said with a wink, hoping that humour was the way to go, he'd done it with her plenty of times in the past. It was just _his _thing, how he coped.

He let his head drop to his hands and he let out a sigh. How could he tell his mother about Beckett's past? Martha had seen and heard an awful lot in her life; she was usually the one to initiate it, if not the one to suggest it, and not much fazed her these days, infact Castle was usually taken aback if something _did _shockher. This was different though, this was personal on a completely different level.

He trusted his mother whole heartedly and he knew anything that he told her would stay between them.

He decided to plough through it, tell her everything, but not in as many words.

"When Kate was seventeen, something terrible happened to her." He started, wincing at the thought.

Martha made her way to his desk and perched on the edge but stayed silent, wanting the full story before commenting. In that way they were exactly the same.

He looked up to see her face, his hands linked in front of him on the desk.

Martha put one hand on his and squeezed gently, a silent offer of comfort, and a will for him to continue.

"A certain case has brought up a lot of bad memories for her and she's pulling away, emotionally aswell as physically, she won't let me know what's going on in her head, she won't tell me what she's afraid of and I don't know what to do to help her."

He let out a sigh of frustration; at himself for not knowing how to help her and at Beckett for not telling him what she needs.

Martha didn't need to know any more, she didn't really want the details, and right now offering her son comfort was all that mattered.

"You know kiddo." Martha started as she patted his hand. "Kate Beckett is one hell of a strong woman, just have patience with her, she'll tell you when she's ready. Just let her know you're there for her, being a woman full of insecurities I know that being reassured goes a long way." She spoke softly, offering him a small smile.

"You're right." He said as he stood up making his way out of the office to find his phone.

A brief conversation with his mother always somehow reassured _his _insecurities, she's straight to the point and usually right.

"Oh, and Richard darling?" She called as he was nearly through the door.

He turned on his heels and smiled back at her.

"Romance is a great way to, well, you know?" she said suggestively. Before he had the chance to leave she threw in another comment for good measure; knowing he would understand her meaning and that he hated how _very _open she could be.

"A weekend away would be nice, just the two of you." She raised her eyebrows at him before he quickly made his exit.

She left the office and made her way to him, he was stood at the side of the kitchen island closest to the fridge. "You'll both get through this; you've been through much worse." She said sincerely as she squeezed his shoulder before making her way upstairs to retire for the night.

"If you need any advice, I have plenty of ideas." She shouted from the top of the stairs, a smirk playing across her face.

"My vivid imagination is a curse when it comes to you." He replied with a shake of his head.

He picked up his phone from the side and typed a text to Kate.

**I'm not going anywhere. You know where I am if you want to talk. I love you. **

He didn't expect a reply so headed for a shower.

Kate lay in bed unable to shut down and succumb to sleep, she was frustrated, not just angry frustrated but sexually frustrated. Whenever she got like this rick knew exactly what to do to relax her, his hands, his mouth, and his tongue, all would work wonders in releasing her tension.

She'd not been with him like _that _for a good few days. Too long. Ever since they started dating they would love usually more than once day; slow and gentle in bed, or quick and fast on the nearest piece of furniture, sometimes the floor would have to do. The thought of being wrapped around him had her heart rate spiking, but then the reason why she was lay here in bed _alone_ came to her; the case, her attacker. Physically she was ready for him, ready for him to love her. But every time she would close her eyes and imagine Castle hovering over her, it's his face she would see; her attacker. The bastard was still screwing with her mind after all this time, and she hated herself for it. Why couldn't she just erase him from her memory?

Her phone chimed telling her she had a text message, and at this time she knew who it would be, she had the weekend off and she wasn't on call to catch a body, so she knew it had to be castle. No one else would text her at 1.30AM.

She read the message and her heart burst with love for this caring, sweet and wonderful man.

As soon as she had walked through the door tonight she knew it was wrong, she felt empty, and it didn't feel right leaving him the way she did. She made a decision and text him back.

**Can I come over? I can't sleep. **

She knew he would reply pretty quickly, so when her phone chimed again a minute later she wasn't surprised.

**You don't have to ask. I told you I would be here when you're ready and I meant it. See you soon. **

Before he had even replied, Kate was getting dressed; a pair of leggings and a baggy jumper would do. She scraped her hair back into a loose bun and slipped on some pumps before leaving her apartment.

Rick was tempted to ask her if she wanted him to order a car to pick her up, but he thought better of it, Kate 'independent' Beckett, who also carried a gun wouldn't appreciate that kind of offer. Not this early into their relationship anyway.

He'd given her a key when they had started dating, she wasn't ecstatic about it, but she accepted it anyway, so here she was letting herself into the loft.

He heard the key click in the door and he made his way from the kitchen to greet her.

As soon as she opened it he put his arms around her and held her for the longest time. She exhaled against his chest, put her arms around his waist and relaxed against his body. Not a word spoken between them, his presence alone was enough to settle her.


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N – As much as I don't want to rush this; considering the sensitivity of the topic, I also don't want to drag it out too much, if I have, let me know where I'm going wrong. As always your thoughts push me along : ) We still have Alexis to join the story, and not forgetting a bit of romance ; ) P.S. am I the only one constantly checking the Castle app for sneak peeks of 'probable cause'?**

**Thank you for the reviews, it makes my day knowing you're enjoying this, I'll get round to replying individually as soon as I can. Another big thanks to 'kuhplat' whose amazing feedback had this idea spinning in my head! I might be heading your way again very soon for your thoughts : ) **

Kate stood there content with being wrapped up in Castle's arms, but she knew she couldn't stay like that forever; she needed to talk to him. Tell him her fears, why she was pulling back from him. And most importantly, what he could do to help her; how he could take those fears away, one step at a time. What he needed to do was have patience with her, and she was well aware he had a lot of that; four years of their partnership had proved it, time and time again.

In the early days after she was raped, she barely let anyone near her, touching her was certainly out of the question. She dated a couple of guys, but because of her insecurities they had fled. That was, until her mother had died and her wild child phase had begun, going out getting wasted, and most nights picking up guys for fun, she was so drunk she barely remembered it the following day, and she definitely didn't take any pleasure from it. It was like she was in another world; she blocked out everything and got blinding drunk to deal with her feelings. It felt like drinking was the only thing she had control of. How ironic? The one thing she could control ended up taking all the control away from her come the end of the night.

She didn't give a second thought about how dangerous it was, and quite frankly she didn't care, life had pushed her so far into a black hole that she couldn't see the light, and she had no fight left to dig her way out.

Eventually, with Lanie's help she cleaned up her act and got her life back together as best she could. One eye opener was witnessing her dad drown himself in alcohol. The other; wanting justice.

And here she stands, with Richard Castle; her one and done, the love of her life.

"Castle?" Kate spoke quietly from where her head rested on his shoulder.

"hmmm?" Came his response, obviously just as comfortable as she was.

"Can we talk about this? About all of it? Theirs a few things I need you to know, to do."

"Of course, anything." he replied moving away from her but keeping hold of her hand so not to break the connection between them.

"Drink?" he asked as he led her to the kitchen.

She nodded her head _yes _and gave him a smile.

He sat down on a stool, bringing a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. He handed her a glass of red wine as she sat down opposite him and waited for her to start. Whatever she was going to ask, he would give it to her, he'd do anything for her, whatever she needed she would get.

She'd never had a conversation like this before, it wasn't something Kate was completely comfortable with, yes; she was as confident as ever in the bedroom; she was definitely no prude and she knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it, she also knew how to give back just as much pleasure, if not more. But still, talking about it wasn't her forte; not in a serious manner anyway. She certainly wasn't any Lanie when it came to this topic of conversation; who would, of course, quite happily tell you what she needed in the bedroom, _in great detail._

Of course Kate had given out plenty of innuendos and one liners, had even made the odd suggestion, but this was no joke, which somehow made it a lot harder.

"I need us to take things slowly" She started, and then by the look of shock on his face, she thought she had better clarify her meaning. She kicked herself for not explaining properly, she should have known he would think the worst; that she was talking about taking their relationship slowly.

"I mean in the bedroom, Castle." she said shyly, she didn't say anymore, she didn't really know how to.

"OK" he said, just like that, matter-of-fact. He didn't say anymore; knew she would give him the details when she was ready.

"I see his face you know," she started as she looked at her hands which were cradling the glass of wine. Again, he didn't speak, giving her the space she needed.

"That night when I walked out on you during…." She didn't know how to put it.

"Our love making?" he offered. It wasn't just sex with Kate, it was different, it was something much deeper. A connection.

She nodded. "I saw his face, and I panicked. And I'm terrified I'll see it again…. next time." She said softly, motioning with her hands subconsciously towards the bedroom.

"You know I'll do whatever I can to help you, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Don't be ashamed of it." he said with sincerity.

Kate smiled a small smile and took a large gulp of her wine, effectively draining it to half way, she didn't necessarily want it, she just needed the dutch courage to say what she was about to.

"Can we just go one step at a time? Don't expect too much from me straight away." she asked, hoping she didn't sound ridiculous. She had a flash back of having this conversation years ago; her firs time. She wondered momentarily how stupid and childlike she must sound. But he understood her meaning and offered his support.

"One touch at a time if you like? Anything to make you feel comfortable." He touched her hand gently and smiled.

She emptied her glass with another large mouthful, then stood up and took his hand, leading him to the bedroom.

Once they crossed the thresh hold, she stopped and turned to look at him. "I promise I won't run out on you again, but just have patience with me ok?"

"Anything for you." he replied as he kissed her, it was a whisper of a kiss, soft and gentle.

He pulled away slightly from her and looked deep into her eyes. "Kate, if at any time you feel at all uncomfortable, just say and I will stop. I'd never hurt you." he said it softly with such compassion it made her feel a little teary, but she squashed them back for now, she wanted to get completely lost in the moment with him; hoped it would let her mind shut down and relax at his touch, hoped to let her body just _feel. _

She nodded her head, a silent answer for him that she'd heard him and understood.

However, to her surprise he didn't do anything else, just took her hand and guided her to his bathroom.

He undressed first and pulled on his pyjama pants, she followed suit and pulled on one of his shirts, she loved sleeping in his shirts, it's something she has done since their first night together, she even had one or two at her apartment; that she had not so subtly stolen.

They went through their nightly regime like it was something they had been doing for years, at one point she wiped toothpaste from Castle's chin; he'd always manage to get it everywhere. At least this time he didn't nearly choke on his mouthwash!

Once they had finished, he took her hand again and led her to bed, he pulled back the covers letting her slide in first, he joined her seconds later and pulled the covers up over the both of them.

She lay on her back with her hands under the covers crossed over her stomach, he lay on his side next to her and watched her, trying to read what she was thinking. A few moments passed before he spoke, "What are you thinking?" he asked, placing a hand on her cheek and rubbing soft circles under her eye with his thumb.

She let out a long breath and looked to the ceiling, she was so desperate for his touch, but she was terrified that she would freeze again. She'd promised him she wouldn't run, and she wouldn't, she just didn't want him feeling like he was to blame, not only that, she didn't want him to get 'wound up' and her not be able to satisfy him.

They lay in the darkness, the only light was from the stars and the moon shining through the window and his alarm clock on the bedside table next to where he lay, the near complete darkness gave her the confidence to say what she needed to.

"I'm thinking how desperately I want you to touch me; need you to touch me, how I'm scared I'll freeze up again, and how I might be unable to satisfy your needs if I get you worked up."

He reached and turned her face towards him, "I'll wait as long as it takes, and I mean it. If you freeze up then so be it, we have all the time in the world, and It doesn't matter about me right now, I'm just glad you're here at all. And besides, there's always another way to satisfy my own needs." He grinned at her and waggled his eyebrows. She understood his meaning completely. _typical Castle, _she thought, and then briefly wondered if he had thought about her, the way she had him on lonely nights; wishing that he was there, that it was his hands instead of her own. _Of course he has! _

She was brought out of her thoughts when she felt his lips softly on hers, a gentle kiss full of love, she kissed him back with the same gentleness, hoping to convey her love for him through the kiss alone.

One of his hands snaked through the covers and found hers resting on her stomach, he squeezed and held them for a moment before slowly making his way further down.

He reached her centre and stopped. He rested his forehead against hers and asked "OK?"

She kissed him; letting him know she was OK and for him to continue.

He moved his fingers in gentle circles, only getting slightly faster as she let out a whisper of a whimper.

His touch was driving her to the edge of her release, only she made the mistake of closing her eyes, and behind her lids she saw her attackers face.

She quickly reached for castles hand and he stilled his ministrations, he didn't pull away, he just stopped.

She looked at him; and she was certain he could hear her heart beat, and that he knew it wasn't brought on by his touch alone.

He kissed her again and decided to try something different, not completely unheard of for them, but given the situation he thought he would try it.

He rested his forehead against hers. "Look at me Kate, relax. I'm right here, keep your eyes on mine." He whispered.

She did as he had asked, and nodded for him to continue.

Again his touch started slowly, he kept his eyes locked with hers, she placed a tender kiss on his lips; a silent command that she needed more.

She let out a hushed moan as his fingers caressed her centre, a repeated vigorous notion that had her back arching into his touch, all the while her eyes stayed transfixed on his.

One of her hands came up to grip at his shoulder as she came, his name softly falling from her lips as she shuddered, a soft tingle and goose bumps encasing her body. He slowed the movement of his fingers, eventually stopping when she kissed him; her way of_ saying_ 'I can't take it anymore.'

He brought his hand up to cup the back of her neck and played with her hair. He kissed her passionately, then rolled so he was on his back; taking her with him so her head lay against his chest, his heart beat pounding to get out of his rib cage. She wrapped her arm around him and kissed his chest. He tickled patterns up and down her spine which had her let out a sigh; one of complete comfort. Relaxed.

They lay in an easy silence for a few minutes, Kate's love for Castle oozing out of her every pore.

Kate was the first to speak "are you OK?"

"Uh…." He replied, his voice sounding a bit strangled.

"As soon as my lively little castle goes to sleep I will be." He tried for humour, but it made Kate feel guilty. She knew he wasn't having a dig at her, but she felt guilty none the less.

Kate's arm made its way down south and sneaked its way into his pyjama pants, as soon as she wrapped her fingers around him and squeezed gently he let out a rough sigh, but before she could do anymore he pulled her hand away. "Like I said, don't worry about me. This was about you tonight," He said sweetly and kissed the palm of her hand before letting it go.

She kissed his chest once more before wrapping her arm back around his waist and closing her eyes.

A few moments later she spoke again. "How did you know?" she questioned sleepily.

"Know what?" he asked, the beginnings of sleep taking over him.

"That looking at you would allow me to let go?" she clarified.

"I didn't, I just thought that if you were concentrating on my face…." He said honestly, he didn't finish his sentence, he knew she would understand.

"Thank you." she whispered, before looking up and placing a quick kiss to his lips.

"I love you." Came his mumbled reply, just like that; like it explained everything.

Which of course it did, he's told her countless times he loves her, and although he hadn't heard her voice it yet, he had no doubts whatsoever that she didn't feel the same way.

He knew when she _did_ say it; it would be a moment he won't ever forget.

**P.S. I did feel sorry for Castle leaving him like that, but who knows what might happen in the next chapter ; )**


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N One of the lines towards the end of the last chapter that read ' he had no doubt whatsoever that she didn't feel the same way' should have actually read 'she ****did ****feel the same way' sorry about that, my brain had dried up towards the end. Thanks to 'kuhplat' for pointing that out : )**

**Thanks to a couple of guests that left reviews, I would reply personally but I don't know your names! **

**Should I base the next chapter around Kate and Alexis? Or keep it to Castle and Beckett? **

**Hope you enjoy Chapter 9. Their is probably only 2 or 3 chapters left unfortunately.**

Kate woke slowly to the sound of running water and an empty space beside her. _He's in the shower, _she thought to herself.

She looked at the clock and noted the time. 9:07AM, although it was still early; Kate considered this a lie in, and was grateful that she could wake up of her own accord and not to the sound of her phone indicating a body had been found. It was a rare occurrence having a full weekend off and she appreciated it immensely; especially now that she could enjoy it with Castle.

She briefly wondered how long he had been up, and what was taking him so long in the shower. A lazy smirk crossed her lips and she crawled out of bed to make her way to the bathroom.

She slowly opened the door and looked to her left where the shower stall was and saw Castle stood with his left side facing her and his head leaning against the wall; she quickly scanned his body, and upon reaching his waist she stopped; the action of his right hand made it clear that he wasn't joking last night when he said he could satisfy his own needs.

She found herself wondering if she should go back to the bedroom and let him finish taking care of things; after all it was a very private act and she felt like she was invading his privacy. She certainly wouldn't be impressed if it was the other way round.

She thought momentarily that it should be _her _doing _that _to _him, _and as much as she knew that last night he only wanted to satisfy her and not push her into anything she was uncomfortable with, she also knew the effect she had on him and how hard it must have been for him to not take it any further last night; he had a high sex drive and she had certainly met her match in the bedroom! Now it was her turn to repay the favour.

Knowing that she was in complete control of the situation, it immediately settled her racing heartbeat about what she was going to do next and it gave her the confidence she needed to follow through with it.

She slipped off the shirt she had slept in and made her way to the shower, she opened the door slowly; not taking her eyes off him, his head shot up in her direction, she took in his surprised face, which was slightly embarrassed, she smiled sweetly at him and stepped inside, she slid between him so her back was leaning against the wall and their faces almost touching.

She kissed him softly and took hold of the hand that was wrapped around his member and replacing it with her own. "I'm sorry." He whispered; almost like he was caught doing something wrong.

"Don't be." She replied confidently before kissing him again, keeping her eyes open to look into his, her hand started moving slowly up and down around him and he let out a sigh; one of relief. Glad that it was her hand and not his own like so many times in the past.

They kept their eyes locked and foreheads pressed together; much like the night before as she continued her movements. His hands stretched out at either side of her frame; his palms flat on the wall as he felt the build-up of his release. His breathing coming in breathy pants as Kate worked her hands faster and firmer, the tip of her thumb circling the top of his length every few strokes.

He was desperately trying to keep his eyes on hers, but the sensation was just too much as his release took over; his body going rigid and a growl of a moan escaping his lips followed by her name in a barely their whisper.

He opened his eyes and looked at her, their foreheads still pressed together, lips close enough to share breath; he smiled his contentment and kissed her deeply, her arms came to wrap around his shoulders, his in turn wrapping around her waist.

When they both needed to come up for air, he pulled away from her and grabbed the shower gel, placing some in his hands he quickly made a foam and washed her down; from her shoulders right down to her feet, he turned her around and washed her back, taking great time to massage her shoulders and lower back.

She of course did the same for him, only she took it upon herself to wash his hair aswell, massaging his scalp and running her fingers through his hair.

Once they had finished taking their time to wash each other down, Castle kissed her softly and handed her the shampoo before he left the shower to allow her to wash her own hair; the first and last time he washed her hair he had used too much conditioner; which had Kate having to wash it herself again anyway, he made a mental note not to do it again, first times a mistake, second time is just asking for an eye roll!

While getting dressed he let his mind wander to the progress they had made over the last few days and the steps they had taken in the past however many hours. He knew Kate was a strong willed woman and wouldn't let anything stop her for long. He was grateful for the way she had opened up to him last night, and how he had helped her, he thought maybe that was the reason she was so bold in the shower.

He noticed whilst in their that her eyes stayed glued to his, and was quite pleased with himself that he'd suggested it the night before, it was definitely working for her. And if that's what it took for her to overcome her issue with intimacy then he certainly wouldn't hold it against her, he actually found it quite hot that her eyes would stay fixed on his as she climaxed, solely concentrating on him, his touch and his words.

He sat on his bed putting his socks on when Kate emerged from the bathroom in just a towel, another wrapped around her head. He couldn't help but let his eyes trail up and down her body, and her long, toned legs that seemed to never end.

Reaching for some clothes from _her _draw - she'd managed to have accumulated a few outfits that stayed at Castle's loft for nights when she would tell herself she would go home, but ended up staying anyway. - She could feel his eyes burning into her skin "haven't I told you on more than one occasion that it's creepy to stare?" She said with a playful tone to her voice.

_Definitely getting back to normal, _He thought.

"Well, with a body like _that" _he said motioning towards her now that she had turned to face him, "how can I _not_ stare?"

She threw the top that she had picked out at him and it landed over his face. He made that his cue to leave so he got up and placed a chaste kiss to her lips as he made his way out, "I'll put the coffee maker on." He called out over his shoulder.

Since Kate had told Castle about her terrible ordeal, his daughter was one of the things constantly on his mind, especially as Alexis is pretty much the same age as Kate was when it had happened. He couldn't imagine her going through something like that, it made his stomach turn just thinking about it, so instead of thinking 'what if' he thought about maybe offering Alexis some self-defence classes. _Prevention is better than cure, _he thought to himself.

"Good Morning pumpkin." He greeted Alexis who was sat at the kitchen island with her head buried in a text book. He ruffled up her hair as he made his way past her to turn on the coffee maker. Not at all phased that his daughter was up before noon, she's always been an early riser; wanting to get her day started and pack it full with things she _thinks _she should be doing.

As he was pulling out three mugs to make coffee for all of them he spoke, "you know, I was thinking?" he paused as he turned to his daughter to make sure he had her attention.

She looked up from her book and smiled.

"Considering you will be moving to college soon, how about taking some self-defence classes?" he asked, trying to come off as the 'cool, go-to dad.'

"Why? I'm only five miles away, so I'll just call you or Kate if I have any trouble and I'm hardly going to have the time to go out with all the studying I will be doing." She said it as if there was nothing in the world that could harm her, that he and Kate could rescue her; which they would within a heartbeat, but five miles away was a big difference compared to five minutes away. It was like she had no idea what the big bad world was like.

He slightly regretted wrapping her in cotton wool for as long as he had, as it made her more naïve than she already was to the cruelness of the city that she lived in; something he was worried about. He'd protected her too much for too long. He'd spoken about different cases with her, but he'd never shared details; he wasn't regretting his decision about sugar coating everything, but maybe he should have told her about the worst the city had to offer. What could happen if you didn't stay alert, how evil some people could actually be.

Fair enough, she was as smart as ever academically, but she wasn't as street wise as he would have liked; something he blamed himself for.

"I'm just saying, maybe it would be wise to be able to defend yourself, I'm not saying you _will_ end up in a situation where you will need to defend yourself, but _if _the situation ever arose you'd know what to do." He tried to tell her as calmly as possible, not wanting to scare her.

"OK" Alexis agreed, mainly to stop her dad from worrying as much.

"Maybe Kate could teach me?" she asked; she knew Kate was trained in many aspects of self-defence considering the job she did.

"Maybe Kate could teach you what?" Kate asked as she made her way out of Castle's bedroom; only hearing the tail end of the conversation.

Alexis spun her head in Kate's direction; not expecting to see the detective as she hadn't been there when she had gone to bed, especially as her dad usually warned her when Kate was around, she should have realised really, judging by the three cups of coffee that were now sat on the side.

"I was just telling Alexis maybe it was a good idea to take some self-defence classes before she left for college." Rick spoke as he looked at Kate and smiled.

"That's a great idea; I'd love to show you how to kick some ass." Kate winked in Alexis' direction before she caught castle's gaze and nodded, telling him she was fine with it and understood his worry for his daughter. It was one of the very first things she fell in love with; his love for his family, even if he was a pain in her ass a lot during the early days of their partnership.

God only knows she wished she had been taught some self-defence when she was Alexis' age. She knew that thinking 'what if?' wasn't the best way to think, after all if it wasn't for her past then maybe she wouldn't be here right now, stood in Richard Castle's loft drinking coffee with him and his daughter; being part of a loving, caring family once again.

"Well, just let me know when you're available, I have so much on and would need to free up some space." Alexis replied, smiling in Kate's direction, her eyes full of excitement with spending some time with Kate alone.

_A great bonding experience, _Kate thought.

"You got anything planned today?" Kate asked, completely ignoring Castle and the way he slumped his shoulders. She knew he was grateful for her to teach his daughter some self-defence, and Kate was looking forward to it, she hadn't spent any time with Alexis alone since she and Castle had gotten together, she thought it might be a way for the two of them to become friends. Eventually she would like for Alexis to treat her more like an older sister, be someone she could confide in and trust whole heartedly; but for now, working on becoming friends was enough.

"I'm free from about two if you are?" Alexis asked, somehow she felt quite awkward making plans with her father's girlfriend. It was something she wasn't used to. He'd always keep her guarded from any women he was involved with, Gina being an exception.

"Well just meet me back here then? I'll be ready for two." Kate smiled.

Alexis nodded her head, then took her coffee and made her way upstairs to get ready for the day.

Castle watched the exchange between Kate and Alexis with interest and he couldn't be happier that his daughter and Kate were going to spend some quality time together, he wondered in the early days of the relationship if Alexis would trust Kate at all, (considering everything that had happened in the past) but judging by what he had just witnessed between the two of them, he was confident that they were moving in the right direction.

Castle came around from where he was standing and put his arms around Kate's waist and pulled her to him so there was no space between them; he pressed his lips to hers with a soft kiss, "I love you" he said.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, locked her fingers together and kissed him back; she desperately wanted to repeat his words back to him, but instead she remained silent, hoping her kiss_ said_ everything she was unable to say.


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N – This chapter was a bit of a pain, I had the ideas but struggled a bit to get them down, so I hope you like it! Let me know what you think; I love reading your reviews. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter : ) I'm not sure if the self-defence techniques are right; Google was a great help ; ) I definitely learnt a thing or 2!**

**Disclaimer – still not mine, I just borrow them and take them out for a little journey!**

It was getting closer to two o'clock and Kate was getting antsy, she could take down murderers without a flinch; yet spending time with Castle's daughter was making her feel nervous. She so desperately wanted to get along with Alexis, their was so much riding on this afternoon; if they couldn't get along then what would happen to her relationship with Castle? Their was no way she would want to come between the tight bond of father and daughter.

On her way back to the loft Alexis was feeling jut as nervous as Kate, if not more. Alexis also wanted to get along with Kate; she liked the woman a lot, and looked up to her as a good role model. She was a little angry at first when her father told her the news of the new development between himself and Kate, it wasn't jealousy at all, she knew her father loved her and he would never replace her; what she felt was worry, if it all went wrong between them who would be their to pick up the pieces? Especially now, as she's leaving for college in a matter of days, she knew all too well the heartbreak her father had gone through with Kate and how he had moped around for weeks and lost himself the summer of last year.

"Hey dad" Alexis spoke as she came through the door, noticing castle sat at the kitchen island with his laptop out.

"Hey pumpkin, good day?" he replied, eyes still on his screen.

"You know, same stuff different day! Where's Kate?" she asked scanning the place.

"Just getting changed, she should be out in a minute."

"Ok, are you staying? I mean…. Do you not have plans for this afternoon?" she asked a little sheepishly, trying not to make her father feel put out.

"He does have plans this afternoon Alexis" Kate said smiling as she made her way out from the bedroom.

"I do?" he asked as he looked up to Kate's direction.

"You do." She replied, giving him her best 'get your ass out of here' look.

Upon noticing her appearance – she was wearing some tight fitting grey sweat pants and a t-shirt that hugged her curves – his jaw dropped slightly and found that he was lost for words. _Even in sweats she looks hot. _He thought to himself.

Kate made her way to him and shut his mouth for him before she spoke. "I'm sure the mayor would enjoy your company for a few hours." she smiled and winked in Alexis' direction.

"But Kaaate," he whined; just like a 9 year old "I thought I could watch. No, definitely not watch" he corrected himself "I mean you could teach me some moves" he waggled his eyebrows.

"If you do as you're told," she whispered for his ears only "I might just teach you some moves later."

"Now scoot." She slapped his arm playfully before taking a seat next to him.

Alexis watched the whole situation play out in front of her with interest and a raised eyebrow, although she was sure she'd need therapy for a few months if she knew what Kate had just whispered!

"Ok, ok" he said dramatically, "I'm going." He picked up his laptop to put it away and made his way to the door, before leaving he turned to speak "I just know I'm gonna regret leaving you pair _alone; _I dread to think of the conspiracies you could come up with against me." He shook his head as he left and shut the door behind him.

"Do I need to change?" Alexis asked looking at Kate and noticing her gym wear.

"It's up to you, whatever you feel comfortable in."

Alexis nodded her head and ran off towards the stairs. "Be right back" she called out over her shoulder.

Kate made a start on moving the furniture around in the living room to create enough space so they wouldn't injure themselves.

"Ok, first off is body language, keep your wits about you, shoulders back, keep your hands out of your pockets and hold your head high. If you're walking around with your hands in your pockets and your head down it carries the message 'I'm weak and vulnerable'".

Alexis listened intently to what Kate was saying and copied her body language.

"If your gut feeling tells you something isn't right; if you think you're being followed, trust your instincts and either get to safety or call someone. Call me anytime day or night. Ok?"

"Got it." Alexis replied as she nodded her head.

"Make a scene; screaming for help will alert others and will freak an attacker out, channel your fear into aggression and shout as loud as you can"

"If someone grabs your wrists the first reaction is to pull away, knowing how to pull away is what counts." Here grab my wrist, Kate said, holding out her arms to Alexis. "Get out of the grip by doing a quick twist against the thumb, up and over the arm, you can do this with both wrists too." Kate said as she easily got free of Alexis' grip.

They practiced this a few times; Kate making sure to grip Alexis' wrist with force, until they were both confident with the move.

"The obvious ones are to stamp as hard as possible on the attackers foot, also kneeing him in his crown jewels is a sure fire way for him to release you. Punch and kick if you have too, I'll take you down to the precinct gym and show you with a punch bag and also what areas will impact an attacker the most."

"If you're being pinned down, the best thing to do is put space between you and the attacker, don't struggle aimlessly; put your hands on your attacker's shoulders, and then firmly lock out your elbows, as though you're about to spring forward and push him back. Pull your feet up and position them on your attacker's hips. Then, with all your energy, push."

Whilst telling her all of this, Kate made her way to lie down, and the look on Alexis' face was one of shock.

"I can't teach you without actually practicing the moves, so I'll show you first, and then you practice on me."

"Um, Ok."

Again, they practiced that particular move until Alexis was happy and Kate was certain she could pull it off. They made a few jokes about being each other's personal space. Much like you would do with a friend, and Kate was more than pleased that they seemed to be getting along well.

"If you're attacked from behind, use your elbows to jab him in the stomach, and then into his throat, this will effectively wind him and give you enough space to make a run for it and find help."

"One more thing, if you're pinned down and your feet are stuck, put your hands on either side of his face and jam your thumbs directly into his eyes."

They spent just over two hours going over the different techniques and practicing them again; Kate also giving Alexis a few different scenarios and having her tell her what she would do before rejoining in the kitchen after having showered.

"Why do you assume it would be a man attacking me? Why not a woman?" Alexis asked; always one to overthink things.

Kate was stunned and felt a bit awkward about what to say, she wasn't going to tell her of her own experience; not if she could avoid it.

"Well, I don't know actually, it's just uncommon for a woman to attack a woman?" she shrugged her shoulders.

Alexis didn't say anything; just shrugged her own shoulders in reply.

"here." Kate said handing Alexis two small items. "I want you to have these, keep them on you at all times and have them somewhere you can reach quickly and easily in your purse."

"A rape alarm and pepper spray?" Alexis asked with a weary tone to her voice.

"You never know when you might need them. And I'm not trying to scare you; it's just the way the world is. There's a lot of evil out their and I for one will sleep better knowing that you can protect yourself." Kate replied with a confident and calm voice.

"And remember, if you need me at all, no matter what time of day or night you call. Ok?"

In that single moment Alexis' feelings towards Kate changed completely; she wasn't just her father's girlfriend, she was someone Alexis herself could rely on and trust and she had no doubt that Kate would ever let her down. The worry she showed for the young girl was evident and she knew her father would be just fine. They both would be just fine with each other.

"Thanks Kate, I really appreciate it." Alexis said with honesty as she got up to give Kate a hug.

"Anytime." Kate smiled.

Alexis pulled away from the embrace and made her way upstairs, she had a movie night with Paige and had to get ready.

"Oh and by the way?" Alexis shouted from the top of the stairs "it's really cool having you around."

Kate didn't reply, their wasn't really anything she could think of to say, she just smiled to herself; a big fat cheshire cat grin that couldn't be wiped away no matter what.

_Really cool having you around – _those words were all Kate could think about, it was like Alexis approved of her relationship with Castle and had no obligations to Kate being in the family home, it warmed her heart completely and settled any nerves she had about spending time alone with Alexis in the first place, and she definitely wanted to do it again.

Castle entered the loft a short while later, passing Alexis on her way our "hi dad, bye dad"

"Bye Alexis" he replied, looking at Kate to ask where she was going.

"She's out for a movie night with Paige" she supplied.

Kate came over to where castle was standing and put her arms around his neck, "you have an incredible daughter" she said before kissing him passionately.

"Good afternoon then?" he asked once he pulled away.

"More than good actually" she said with a smile.

"I'm glad to hear it, she looked happy on her way out and so do you."

"I am happy. I'm more than happy actually." She replied as she gave him another quick kiss.

"How about we go out for dinner tonight?" he asked. "Nothing _too_ fancy or over the top I promise." He quickly added; knowing that Kate hated anything too expensive, but her reply shocked him a little.

"I'll look forward to you wining and dining me castle. Make the plans and I'll be ready, eight O'clock Ok?"

"Perfect." He replied before heading to his study to make dinner reservations.

She made the decision earlier in the day to surprise him with a little something, and a romantic evening out together supplied the perfect opportunity.

Little did she know that he also had a little surprise up his sleeve; being kicked out for the afternoon certainly made for a great secret shopping experience.


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N – last chapter now guys - thanks to you all that have reviewed, positively criticized and corrected me along the way : ) I've thoroughly enjoyed writing this and I hope the last chapter lives up to standards. I'm a big sappy romantic at heart and it just felt right to have this ending! As always, let me know what you think : ) Enjoy….**

**Disclaimer – I don't think I could write something as awesome as what 'probable cause' looks like it's going to be, Andrew Marlowe, you just carry on being the god of all things caskett!**

Eight o'clock soon came around and Castle and Kate were ready to leave for their _date? Kate liked the sound of that. _She wore a dark blue dress; it was tight up top and low cut to accentuate her breasts, bunched in the middle so it would flow out around her stomach and coming to rest just below her thighs, a black belt across her middle to set off the outfit along with a black pendant necklace and matching earrings. A black pair of stiletto shoes topping off her attire.

Castle wore a pair of black dress trousers and a dark purple shirt; he knew Kate loved him in purple so he picked that colour purposely.

Castle was the first ready and sat waiting for Kate in the kitchen, when she approached him he looked her up and down with complete awe. He felt like all his birthdays had come at once! "Wow, absolutely stunning" he commented.

She smiled a shy little smile and a slight flush crept up her cheeks; he was always able to embarrass her with his comments, granted, she did enjoy them! She grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter "ready?" she asked.

"Ready." He replied, taking her arm in his to lead her out of the door, he locked it behind them and led the way to the service car that was parked outside waiting for them.

"I thought you said nothing too over the top?" she asked as she stepped into the car.

"You want to be wined and dined detective Beckett, so wined and dined is what you will get; Castle style of course." He said with a wink.

She knew he was incredulous but she didn't expect an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne in front of her when she sat down.

"Castle, the restaurant is five minutes away" she said as she gestured to the ice bucket with a roll of her eyes. _I should have known, _she thought to herself.

"Will you please just let me take you out without you chiding me for how _ridiculous _I'm being? I love you; I have the money, so stop worrying." He said as he poured each of them a glass of champagne.

Handing Kate her glass he made a toast; "to us and our future" he smiled.

"To us and our future" Kate replied. _Yes, that felt right _she thought.

The car came to a stop and castle made his way to get out first, "don't move" he said as he shut the door.

He opened the door on her side to allow for her to exit the car.

"I told you the champagne would be a waste." She smirked.

"Actually what you said was…." he was cut off by Kate taking his hand and playfully tugging it down, an act that said 'carry on that sentence and you will know about it.'

They made their way into the restaurant and to Kate's surprise it wasn't too luxurious; it wasn't a place where you needed to eat six of their main courses to even feel remotely full.

It was expensive of course, this was castle; she expected nothing less, but she actually liked the look of the place, the soft lighting and the candle lit tables made for a romantic setting. An ice bucket with a bottle of champagne completed each table.

They were met by a waiter; dressed in black trousers and a white shirt and black tie who was very attentive and saw to their needs with a gracious smile. They were taken to a table which was closed off and away from prying eyes; she didn't say anything, just rolled her eyes at him. It's something she was going to have to get used to; the extravagant lifestyle.

_No wonder the waiter was extra attentive _she thought quickly to herself as they sat down.

The conversation flowed easily as they ordered and ate their food and drank a ridiculously priced bottle of red wine, they shared a light starter of Ricotta toasts with rocket and pine nut salsa; feeding each other like the love sick couple they were; Kate wiping bits away from Castle's chin and licking her thumb to get rid of the sauce; of Course castle found this slightly arousing!

"I'll need to get you a bib the next time we eat out" she joked and laughed lightly. A sound Castle hadn't heard for a while; but one he definitely wanted to hear again and again.

For their main course Kate opted for the lemon sole with crab and tarragon butter sauce, and Rick thoroughly enjoyed the rack of lamb with a warm salad of mixed beans and slow roast tomatoes. They once again shared and experimented with different concoctions, rick more daring than Kate of course, she teased him by taking slow bites and wrapping her tongue around her fork and swallowing ever so slowly, causing Castle to gulp and hold his breath; watching her every move.

They both shared a large bowl of passion fruit ice cream; light and refreshing in contrast to the hot summer evening. Rick took the opportunity to dab some ice cream on Kate's cheek when she wasn't looking at him; which he took great pleasure in kissing off.

When dessert came to an end they both ordered coffee, and once the waiter had disappeared Castle pulled a long rectangle box with a red bow tied in the middle out of his jacket pocket that rested behind his chair. He placed it in the middle of the table and looked at Kate, who was now concentrating on him rather than putting cream in her coffee. "What's this?" she asked pointing at the box. Slight wonder laced with a little bit of annoyance in her tone. She wasn't a big fan of him showering her with gifts; she just wasn't that sort of person, but she let him have his way tonight, after all she did tell him to 'wine and dine' her.

"It's just a little bit of something I saw on my travels this afternoon, and I couldn't resist it. It was like a flash light jumping out at me screaming 'Kate'" he said with enthusiasm. _Typical Castle description _she thought.

She picked up the box and slowly untied the bow and pulled off the lid, upon seeing the contents and the writing engraved her breath hitched. "Wow" she said as a smile played on her lips, feeling a bit stunned that he would think of something so utterly thoughtful and sentimental.

"It's beautiful, thank you" she said softly as her eyes scanned the bracelet; it was a thin silver bracelet, about an inch wide with a plaque not much thicker that was made to sit at the top of the wrist. Two tiny crystals sat at either end of the small plaque, the word '_always' _engraved in between. It was a delicate piece of jewellery; not something she could wear at work, and something as beautiful as this she wouldn't really want to.

She leaned over and gently kissed his lips, "I really love it, thank you" she said again.

"You're welcome," he replied, calling the waiter for the bill.

Upon noticing the price their meal had cost she grabbed for her purse to contribute.

He stopped her with his hand as he put his credit card on the tray, "I've got it" he said, she was going to respond with an eye roll and a 'I think you've spent enough on me already' but the waiter interrupted, taking his card and quickly returning with a receipt for him to sign.

She let him have this one, but next time dinner was definitely on her.

They finished their coffee; her left hand held in his right, conversation ranged between Alexis and the self-defence they practiced this afternoon, to work, to the wonderfully romantic evening they were sharing.

"Ready?" he asked, noticing she had also finished her coffee before making his way to stand.

She smiled and stood up, Castle taking her jacket and shrugging it over her shoulders. The weather was cooling outside as the start of a storm was about to hit; not unusual when the days were especially hot.

They made their way back to the loft in companionable silence, Kate's head resting on his shoulder, relaxed and content. His hand still in hers, rubbing patterns on her skin with his thumb.

They made it back in time just before the storm started, not that it mattered; they only had a few steps from the car into the lobby of his building.

"Wine?" Castle asked as he made his way to the kitchen, "please" she smiled, before stepping into his space and kissing him quickly on the lips "I'll be right back, stay here" she said as she moved backwards towards the bedroom, a smug smile playing on her lips.

She reappeared ten minutes later dressed in a black, silk short robe tied lightly at her waist.

Kate led him into the bedroom; wine glasses forgotten.

The only light was from scented candles scattered around the room; the flickers from the flames shadowing the walls, their bodies, each other's faces.

The scent of vanilla and cinnamon filled the air, the start of a summer storm tapping lightly against the windows of the bedroom. The sexual tension between them was palpable; it was running through their veins like a current.

She kissed him softly, passionately; like she wanted this night to last forever. The love felt between them was unimaginable; something neither of them had ever felt before. The sort of love that filled your heart to near bursting, an emotion so deep it took your breath away.

Neither of them could imagine feeling like this with another ever again, nor did they want to, they were perfect together in every way. She took his words to make her stronger; a better person, and in return he took her heart and fixed the cracks, proving to her every day that he would never break it, he taught her that she was worthy to be loved, that she would always be worthy of_ his_ love. She gladly gave him her heart and took the love he offered.

He gently guided her backwards with his hands on her hips and laid her down on the bed.

He hovered above her and slowly untied her robe, his eyes slowly wandered her body; taking in her soft curves and smooth tanned skin.

He was lost for words; not a first when it came to Kate.

"I love you" he managed softly.

His hands started at her face; rubbing small circles under her eyes with his thumbs. Making his way slowly down her neck and landing on her shoulders.

He placed his lips softly against hers, kissing her slowly before following his hands; down her neck, sucking gently on the sensitive area just below her ear, a place he knew she loved his mouth paying attention to, a place that drove her mad.

Kate's senses were on over drive, the snail like pace of his lips were nearly her undoing.

As his soft lips made their way to her chest she let out a slight whisper of a moan, his fingers leisurely running up and down her arms, leaving a path of fire in their wake.

He placed small idle kisses along her stomach down to her abdomen; his hands taking hold of hers at the same time; her eyes burning directly to the top of his head, highly anticipating his next move.

He stopped his actions and looked up at her; silently asking her permission, she nodded with a soft smile. Words weren't needed, they're never needed.

He let go of her hands and placed them on the top of her thighs; massaging them as she opened up to him; it was the one intimate act she always found too vulnerable to allow happen, but she trusted him more than she had ever trusted anyone and allowed herself to feel exposed completely.

The feel of his tongue and lips around her sensitive area had her back arching off the bed.

A murmured "Castle" fell from her lips as he worked her to her release, his tongue slowing it's movements as she climaxed.

"Oh Castle" softly filtered around the room as she rode out her orgasm; fingers toying with his hair.

He kissed his way up from her centre, taking his time to indulge her nipples, one after the other, gently using his teeth and tongue.

She pulled him to her gently by his hair so his face was directly above hers, kissing him deeply and rubbing her hands over his shoulders and down his arms; she would never get board of the feel of him under her palms, his muscles clenching as he held himself above her.

The feel of him between her legs; ready and wanting, the look of love in his eyes was overwhelming, it made tears appear in her eyes and she didn't bother to hold them back, she placed both of her hands on his cheeks, she wanted him to know just how much he had affected her heart; her life, in every single way; how much she loved him, was in love with him. "I love you" she whispered with complete sincerity as she looked deep into his eyes.

His breath hitched as he heard her words, he knew he would never forget it and this moment he would remember forever.

Their eyes stayed locked as he entered her slowly, her arms came to wrap around his neck; playing with the hair there, her legs wrapping around his waist as he kissed her with complete devotion, kissing down both cheeks softly to soak up her tears.

There love making was slow and passionate, a gentle rocking motion as they lost themselves in each other's eyes and movements, words of love and always were whispered as each of their climaxes took over.

They lay wrapped in each other's arms; not knowing where one began and the other ended.

The only thing they both knew right now was that spending the rest of their lives together was what the future held.


End file.
